Here's my journal entry from July 3rd.
Scripture - 2 Corinthians 12:1-10
Observations - I think the contrast here is interesting. Paul is obviously very confident in what God has done in his life, even to the point of borderline arrogance. And yet, he's also so angry at himself for the struggle that he has, almost to the point of borderline self-loathing. He goes back and forth, but he rests in God. He knows that God has given him these natural abilities and yet he knows he's dependent upon God's supernatural strength. I think that's a really good place to be.
Application - I think I"m finding myself in that same place. I've gone from the ignorance of my pre-church planting self, assuming that everything would be handed to me because of my good personality and natural skills to a borderline self-loathing due to frustrations in Sunday morning attendance. I thought I was worthless because our church wasn't as big as I thought it should be. I'm learning now to relax. I've stopped worrying so much about attendance. I've certainly stopped basing my self-worth upon Sunday's attendance figure. I've also learned to enjoy and celebrate the victories God sends our way. I've lost the pre-planting cockiness and obvious sense of entitlement. I've left behind the sense of failure I had in our church's early days as well. I've found a happy, healthy medium. I celebrate the gifts and personality God has given me. I'm thankful for who I am and okay with not being someone else. My worth isn't determined by my "success." I've also gotten into a steady flow of depending upon God for strenth. Not just saying that because I'm supposed to, but regularly plugging myself into God's power source (prayer) and trusting him with the results (humilty, perspective, etc.).
As we approach our 3rd birthday as a church, I'm transitioning from an emotional sprint into a steady run. I believe God is placing TFC in a place to have a long-term kingdom impact. I hope I'm being prepared to help lead that.
I'm in a really good place right now!
Prayer - Thank you for what you taught me and am currently teaching me. I praise you! Thank you for walking with me every step of the way!