There's a buzz in the air, the fountains are flowing blue, the Truman Sports Complex parking is full of tailgaters and hardly anyone in the city is working this afternoon because we're all celebrating the return of our Boys in Blue.
Sad, minor side note: The season couldn't have started much worse, with a 44 degree day bringing a 14-7 loss and news of Salvy going on the 6 week DL.
There are two things to get excited about for this upcoming season:
1) I will still get chills when I see the World Championship banner flying in the outfield
2) The team will be so bad this year that I'll be able to find $5 tickets by July
Today is the perfect day to remind everyone of Terence's line in Field of Dreams:
"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again. Oh people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come."
And if you would rather hear the actual voice of James Earl Jones, rather than just hear it in your head (as I do), then you can click here.
I've heard it said that as men get older, their interest in football wanes and their interest in baseball grows. I don't know whether that's true of all male sports fans, but that's definitely been true of me. I didn't even follow baseball till my first summer in KC, the summer after my sophomore year, when I finally began to understand the everyday enjoyment of the sport which includes the pleasure of having the play-by-play in the background on a beautiful summer evening and how the pop of the ball hitting the catcher's glove on an AM radio is the perfect soundtrack to summer. By the pennant race of 2003, I was being sucked in but I wasn't fully hooked, however till I began to understand the numbers of baseball. I owe my fairly recent appreciation of the nerdy side of baseball to Rany Jazayerli and his no longer active blog, Rany on the Royals. With the exception of the postseason, baseball is a game of consistency and patience while football is a game of short and intense bursts of emotion.
My last year of playing baseball was the summer before the first fall in which I was old enough to play middle school tackle football. I was never coordinated enough to be good at baseball but I was just strong enough to earn a small football scholarship to a small university. I think that I needed to put my horrible little league career behind me before I could fully embrace the sport as an adult fan. To put it another way, I had to make peace with being a sucky baseball player as a kid before I could become a serious baseball fan as an adult.
To reference another idea I've heard but whose source I can't recall, sports exist to create a natural and easy bonding between father and son. Of course, the most likely reason sports exist is for gambling on the outcomes, but I digress... I can certainly attest to that in my own life. I've been able to bond with both my dad and my son over Hawkeye and Royals games. Though more over Hawk games with my dad and more over Royals games with my son, who once told me, "Dad, I was born in KC, you were born in Iowa, so I'm a Royals fan, not a Hawkeye fan." I believe that idea could be expanded however, to include bonding between friends. Some of my best memories and most profound conversations have occurred during game watch parties, pre-game tailgates and (most importantly) road trips to sporting venues across the country. In fact, several years ago, a high school friend sent me a note thanking me for sharing Christ with him during our sophomore year. That conversation happened, naturally, on the drive home from an Iowa basketball game (a miserable loss to Northwestern, if I remember correctly, which I likely do).
Of course, that's the main theme of Field of Dreams, the relationship (or lack thereof) between a father and son. I'm glad that my relationship with my dad and my son doesn't revolve completely around sports, but I'm glad a shared love of sports has enhanced our respective relationships. I can honestly say, though that without a shared love of sports, I'm not as close to some of my closest friends as I actually am.
With that in mind, I'm going to share some of my favorite Opening Day memories along with my favorite baseball pictures.
2004: Despite having standing room only tickets, the day started and ended perfectly. A group of close friends used my portable grill for tailgating before the game and convinced me to not leave in the 8th inning, when the Royals were down 8-1 to the Sox. A miracle rally, which was capped off by a walk-off homerun, resulted in us jumping around hysterically in the concourse behind the 1st base line. I jumped so hysterically, in fact, that I gave myself a deep bone bruise on my knee, making it hard to bend said knee for about two months. I'd never been so glad to be a Fed Ex driver, rather than a UPS driver, as UPS trucks are sticks and FedEx trucks are automatic.
2009: I was offered an Opening Day ticket by a dear man in the church I was pastoring at the time, for whom I had recently preached his wife's funeral. The day was cold and the Royals were spanked by the Yankees, but it was a wonderful time of helping a dear friend through his grief while not actually mentioning his unmentionably sudden loss. I believe there was a lot of grace passing between us that day.
2014: This Opening Day I decided to embrace what most Parisians could tell just by glancing at me, no matter how hard I tried to mask it by sporting a man purse and scarves, that I'm an unfashionable American who feels most comfortable wearing jeans and a sports t-shirt. This was actually the first day of the two weeks my parents came to visit us and as I was leading them into Saint Chapelle, a fellow KC native saw my shirt and called out, "Go Royals." I'll never forget that one, how the buzz of Opening Day can extend even to another country, at least among American tourists.
The formatting on this blog site is so complicated that I'm not even gonna try to put this in chronological order.
"Celebrating" the extra inning, WS clinching win against the Mets in November, 2015
Celebrating the World Title with hundreds of thousands of other Kansas Citians
Godbrothers at The K
Kids Day at The K, May 2015
Dad and enjoying a game on Father's Day, 2016
A great night in the Southside of Chicago
Dawson's first trip to The K, June 2011. I felt kinda guilty trying to teach him to like a team as bad as the Royals, circa 2011
Royals at White Sox, June 2016
Catching a game where the Royals had clinched the WS the previous year. Notice Dawson has on the WS Champs shirt while I decided to stick with the much safer, Hawkeye shirt, as we'd attended a Hawkeye game at Rutgers earlier in the day.
Enjoying the divisional race, June 2017
A baseball camp with Royals HOFer, Frank White
Hanging with my childhood hero, The Wizard of Oz
Royals at Cardinals, August 2017
Quite possibly the best weekend ever, June 2012
Watching the MLB internet stream of the hearbreak that was game 7 of the 14 WS the morning after it actually happened, Busingen, Germany. My yells when Gordon tied it up scared Dawson and I might've cried two tears when Perez fouled out to end the game.
San Francisco, May 2013 with the biggest baseball nerds and one of the best people I know
Royals at Twins, June 2015
June 2017
July 14, catching a game during our time between France and Germany
One of my all-time favorite pics
When your close friend of several decades visits from CA, you have to go to The K with him and his boys
As
I've shared in a few posts likethis one , this one and this one2012
has been a year of waiting.While those
blog posts hint at that fact, I never actually declared on this blog that 2012
was my year of waiting, but that's what it has been.While praying sometime early in this year, I
had a clear sense that 2012 was to be a year of waiting; that God was teaching
me patience, to trust him to guide my future (rather than trying to force
things to happen) and to seek my significance in who I am as his child rather
than what I do for him.I've had to
remind myself that 2012 is a year of waiting as I've spent the past year
working an incredibly unfulfilling job and have been wrestling through thoughts
and experiments for how to best use my ministry gifts.All of 2012 has been a year of waiting.In the exact middle of 2012, I was very close
to landing a great job in a university setting.In fact, I already had one foot out of the door of my current job and
was thinking that I'd gotten off easy in this year of waiting; I would only
have to wait 6 months for the next major step in my journey.Then, in a way that was both humorous and
painful, I found myself on the wrong side of nepotism and didn't get the
job.Again, God reminded me (I wish He
could do it more gently sometimes) that ALL of 2012 is about waiting.So I kept waiting and seeking and praying and
waiting some more.
In late summer of this year, as we were sitting in our living
room folding clothes, Erin announces "you know, if we're really going to
consider serving a year with Nazarene Mission Corps
, the next academic year would be the time to do it, since it will be Dawson's
last year before kindergarten.Erin's
statement was completely out of the blue; I never expected to hear her say
that.I'd been talking with her about
this idea for a few years but she had been a bit hesitant.Honestly, I was hesitant, too.While it sounded like a good idea, I wasn't
sure we'd ever really decided to pursue it.I had tried to get Erin to attend the Cross Cultural Orientation
required for those considering Mission Corps, but she remained hesitant.In fact, I tried pushing it pretty hard last
spring but she told me, in no uncertain terms, that she wasn't ready to consider
that major of a life change as we were not yet far enough removed from the
previous painful life changes.Last
summer, however when she announced that it was time to think about it, I knew
two things: 1) We'd both fully recovered from our season of loss and transition
and 2) God was clearly speaking to my wife.
Even after that conversation, we wrestled with our doubts.After one difficult conversation on a
Saturday night, God immediately addressed Erin's fears.The very next morning, God spoke to Erin
through our pastor's morning message and a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King
Jr. that she heard on PBS, "Faith is taking the first step, even when you
can't see the whole staircase."As
I'm tempted to interpret challenges as a sign from God that we need to stop
pursuing this, I heard my mom's admonition, "now that you've committed to
this because you know God is leading you, don't let the inevitable challenges
stop you from doing it." So despite
the numerous challenges we face in moving overseas to spend a year volunteering
for our Denomination, we're determined to do our best not to back down from the
challenges.
After committing to spend a year with Mission Corps, our next big challenge was
to decide where to spend that year.My
first two thoughts were: 1) I'd love to go to France and 2) No way we could
consider a year in France as mission work.So we started exploring all the other options.We talked with Dave and Betsy Scott in
Croatia , the Sunbergsabout Budapest and a coffee shop in Krakow,
Poland CaribbeanNazarene College and some teaching opportunities in the AfricaSouth region .We knew all along, though that our hearts
were with the Eurasia region.
While all of those opportunities seemed exciting, they also all
had obstacles that didn't exist with the opportunity in Versailles,
France.So after all those opportunities
faded away, we were left with our original hope, a year in France.
Our decision to choose France was the result of two
factors.First of all, we're intrigued
by the culture.Several years ago, we
spent some time in France and really liked the culture.I realize that a week touring a country doesn't
give one a true sense of the culture, but just like we felt in 2003 when
feeling drawn to Gardner, something seems to be drawing us to France.When talking with the Missionary in France,
Brian Ketchum, he told me that if I were talking about
Hungary the way I was talking about France, he'd tell me to get off the phone
with him and immediately call the Sunbergs, but since we seem to have a draw
toward France, we need to trust that God has a reason for planting that desire
in us.Randy and Lorie Beckum, mentors of
our from college and who also served as missionaries in France, told us to not
assume that mission work means we go somewhere we'd rather not be but rather
pick a place where we would enjoy living and to know that God will use us
anywhere.For us, that's France.Really, could you choose a better place to
spend a year of one's life than Paris?
Secondly, and this was the main factor, we already have a solid base in the
language.At the end of a year in
Budapest, we might have finally mastered the basics of the difficult Hungarian
language. We're going to France with a
basis in the language and with the possibility of being close to fluent by the end of
the year.While English is the
international business language (meaning people across Europe speak English)
and we can serve despite language barriers, we're excited about both serving in
a place where we can have simple conversations and where we can become fluent
in a second language (a language spoken in many other parts of the world,
too).
I started my French studies in the fall of 2008 on a bit of a whim.While working on French homework one day, I
had a congregation member, Joe Kumor ask me why I was doing all this work.I told him I wasn't quite sure but that maybe
God was preparing me for some future mission work and that I've found that God
has always turned my hobbies into service opportunities.As I look back through some blog entries like
this one here
, I see that four years ago, I was
already thinking about the possibility of serving in France. In this entry, I explain the possibility of serving and teaching in Versailles, which is
exactly what I'll be doing next year.Finally,
this blog entry
makes me laugh. I was writing about
starting my semester at KU and I finish the blog entry wondering how God will
use this intense language study.Well, now
I know.
I became convinced that France is the place for us about two
weeks before Erin came to the same conclusion.Her decision was made on the fact that we can fill a ministry need in
France.Our year in France will be spent
doing three things: 1) Serving the Versailles Community Church of the Nazarene,
helping them during a pastoral transition and helping them think through ways
to serve their surrounding community.2)
Helping train future pastors for the France District.Currently, there are no trained pastors to
take the place of current pastors (should they leave) nor to start new churches.There are people on the District who have answered
the call to ministry but now need the training.I'm pumped to have the chance to teach and spend time with future pastors.3) Learn how to build partnerships between US
churches and French churches.There are
already some partnerships growing but we'll have the chance to deepen and
expand those partnerships.French
pastors can be a great resource to American pastors since American pasors will eventually face
the same cultural challenges pastors in France are already facing.The possibility of a long-term relationship
with the France District helps us know that our ministry in France will extend
past this one year.
After Brian explained all the ways we could
serve and help the France District, Erin became convinced that we really would
be doing mission work, not just going on a long vacation.I have to admit though, we will be doing
mission work in the country visited by more tourists each year than any other
country. I guess that's called, "suffering for Jesus."
As I shared with my home church in Burlington, IA last Sunday, I believe that
my experience planting/ pastoring Trinity Family has brought us to a place
where we are open to and possibly even partly prepared for the ministry context
of France.As this post is already too
long, however I won't go into all of those details.Maybe later.For now, we have two big challenges to overcome before we leave sometime
in July.1) Raise the $30K necessary for
a year serving in France and 2) Find someone to rent our house.Prayer and donations (a website will be set
up soon) will be appreciate.
After my teaching stint ended, I received a Facebook message from a high school friend who is also a teacher and who shares my passion for nonviolence and kingdom-equality. She said something about how now that I'm experiencing the disillusionment of failing in an attempt to change the world, I needed to read Brennan Manning's book, Ruthless Trust. Now that I've finished the book, I am deeply grateful that the friend recommended the book. Here is a quote very appropriate to my situation.
"We formulate plans to fulfill what we perceive to be the purpose of our lives (inevitably limited), and when the locomotive of our longings gets derailed, we deem ourselves failures... Our disappointments arise from presuming to know the outcome of a particular endeavor."
Yes. Nothing is wasted by God but things rarely happen the way we think they should. The same was true of Trinity Family; things didn't all happen the way I thought they should but God brought about beautiful things I never even thought to expect.
I'm now working as an auto insurance adjuster. I do all of my work from the office,so if there are any injuries resulting from the accident, the claim automatically gets reassigned to an adjuster in the field. There are some serious injuries, obviously, but even if there is the possibility of a minor injury, the claim still gets sent to a field adjuster. If a person has just a small pain in their neck, there still needs to be an investigation because while that pain could end up going away in a day it could also turn into a chronic neck injury. So no matter the extent of the injury, an investigation is always required. We also keep a record of where each person is sitting in the vehicle. A curious reality of car accidents is that one person may walk away from an accident relatively unscathed while another person sitting in different part of the vehicle could suffer a serious injury. As long as the injuries and passengers are put in the file at the time the claim is filed, future treatments may be covered by the insurance company. Another curious thing about injuries is that they may not present themselves until months after the accident.
A few days ago, I had the privilege of having breakfast with one of my college mentors, Dr. Sondra Cave. In addition to being a mentor, she was also my "mom" while I was in college; letting me cry in her office after Erin dumped me (thankfully she eventually wised up) and later serving as Erin's wedding coordinator. Despite all she had done for our university and even despite being named alumnus of the year, a year ago Sondra was laid off from our alma matter. To put it mildly, it was a painful experience for her and she's still working through some of the effects of that betrayal. On the positive side, however her consulting business has taken off now that she's been forced to market her incredible gifts.
That morning, Sondra and I swapped stories about the hellish despair we've both gone through lately. I told Sondra some of the emotional breakdowns my short stint in the Kansas City Missouri School District had caused me, some of which I'm still not comfortable sharing on this blog. We also talked about how we've both come a long way in our recovery Physically, I'm back to normal but I'm pretty sure I'm not yet fully recovered emotionally.
While I've been given some great opportunities to use some of my teaching and leadership gifts withing Indian Creek Gardner, I'm intentionally holding back somewhat; being hesitant to commit to some things that I know I could do and working to protect my time with my family and my time to myself. I've also had some discussions about potential full-time ministry opportunities but I'm very hesitant about those, too. Right now, it's wonderful to work my 40 hours, leaving the job at the office and to come home to a night of playing with Dawson, jogging on the treadmill, reading a book or working on a sermon for Indian Creek.
I know this place I'm in isn't long term but it's a really nice place to be; a fact that actually scares me. I'm scared of being complacent and missing something great God may have for me because I'm too busy enjoying my comfort to sense his nudge. Which makes that conversation with Sondra so timely.
Sondra expressed my 15 weeks of Teach for America/ KCMSD as a car crash; a short but intense experience that launched with huge hopes and dreams before violently crashing into a reality of guilt and shattered dreams. The grief and guilt of which is compounded by the grief of Trinity Family Gardner ending the day before I was accepted into TFA. The thing about a car crash, Sondra reminded me, is that it may take months for all the injuries to appear and even years for those injuries to recover.
So just take it slow, she advised, allow yourself time to recover and trust that God won't let you fall asleep in complacency.
So I thought I'd end with three posts, but here's another good one I needed to share.
Last Thursday night, I went to an open house for Trinity Family Midtown. The open house was a chance for this missional community to share about their new initiatives and to share testimonies of people who have come to Christ through this ministry. It was an incredible evening. While listening to one of the stories, I had a tear or two come to my eye, thinking about how just over 7 years ago, we started TFC in order to reach people far from the church and God. While a ministry to reach the LGBT community centered in midtown KC wasn't on my radar in 2004, a single-minded focus to do whatever it takes to reach people turned off to God and the church was certainly in the forefront of my mind. So while TFC is no longer in Gardner and I'm no longer the pastor, the church is still reaching people for Christ. And they're doing it in a way that almost no other church in the denomination is doing.
My old DS, Jeren Rowell was at the open house and I got to enjoy the moment with him. I told him of a story I'd just heard the day before about a Nazarene pastor who tried to start a similar ministry in the urban center of a city but because he couldn't make it fit into the Nazarene box that his DS wanted, he was forced to start it as a non-denominational church. After that decision, the DS stripped him of his credentials (the pastor regained them through the Methodist Church) and the church began to do great things and reach people for Jesus. I thanked Jeren for having a Kingdom vision that is much broader than just a single denomination and being the type of leader who supports new and unique ministries.
I also told Jeren that TFC Midtown is set up the way I was trying to move TFC Gardner toward, but just wasn't able to do so. The church is lead by several volunteer pastors, is very low on programming and very high on community and is finding new ways to serve the poor of the surrounding area. While I'm really proud that TFC became what I was hoping it would be, I feel a bit disappointed that I wasn't the one able to take it there. But as Jeren said, "that's just the way it goes sometimes."
Finally, I kept giving props to Brian Hupe that entire evening. Brian, Sara Armstrong and Bill Melvold (TFC Gardner's last church board) all deserve some serious recognition for having the boldness and foresight to vote to start the Midtown campus. It was a bold move because 1) TFC Gardner was losing people fairly quickly and 2) It was a unique ministry that no other church was doing. It was so unique that we had some people leave TFC because they couldn't reconcile a ministry that reached the LGBT community through love and compassion and not judgment and condemnation. I honestly believe that the leadership decisions of that church board will continue to have a Kingdom impact in ways that won't be fully known in this life.
This is the final edition in a three part series on how the unique ministry of Trinity Family Church is still having a kingdom impact.
This post doesn't need much writing from me. In fact, all we need is the writing of my good friend Michael Palmer who is quickly becoming a better writer and blogger than yours truly.
This is part two of a tree part series on some of the lasting legacies of Trinity Family Church in Gardner. Of course, TFC still lives on in midtown Kansas City.
Last week, a group of ladies from Indian Creek Gardner helped Erin create and deliver the gift bags for this month's Love Wins ministry outreach. It's been great to see the Love Wins ministry find a new home and a new life with ICG. What's maybe even better was the conversation I had with our old pal, Guido who was impacted by our Love Wins ministry back when working at one of the clubs.
Guido called me the other night excited to share a story with me. After playing phone tag for awhile, I finally got to hear his story.
Guido is now working with a club in Topeka. There just so happens to be a large church near that club. That church has taken the relational approach of most Conservative Evangelical church in interacting with groups who don't share their morals; they don't have a relationship and try to use power overcome that group. Guido says despite his offer to get together with the pastor, the church refuses to talk with them and have used the Christ-like approach of picketing the club.
While the employees of this club have been complaining about the judgmental Christians, Guido has been passionately assuring his co-workers that not all Christians are like that. He then went on to tell them about how much TFC and Love Wins changed some of his views on Christians and even on God. "You guys had a really big impact on me, more than you know." A ministry like Love Wins, however was not just in Guido's past, but soon to be in his present.
A little while later, some timid looking ladies knocked on the door of their club and nervously explained they were from a church in town and wanted to pass out gifts to the dancers in their club. Guido burst out laughing, instantly shattering the confidence of the ladies at the front door. Guido quickly built their confidence back up, though by telling them all about his experience with the ladies from TFC. He shared the positive impact we'd had on them, shared with them the address to this blog, how the TFC ladies had become comfortable in the club and even how they'd thrown us a baby shower.
It looks like there's about to be another positive relationship developing between some church ladies and some workers in the adult entertainment industry. And because this pastor and wife are adopting, there might even be another baby shower.
I'm going to be posting a short series of some ways that the legacy of Trinity Family Church's unique ministry is still having a Kingdom-sized impact.
A few weeks ago, I had dinner with Scott Sidusky. Scott and I had a tough final few months of ministry together. Mostly because I was living with fear and guilt (fear of the church failing and guilt over burning people out) and Scott was had stretched himself really thin and was feeling that pressure (something I became all too familiar with during my short stint with TFA and KCMSD).
So while we had about three great years, the last few months left us both feeling a bit apologetic toward and frustrated with each other. As a side note, it's sad that the system creates guilt, fear and burn-out. But during our dinner the other night, it was clear that all the bad memories had faded into the appropriate position of a distant second to the all the good experiences we shared together.
Scott is now helping with worship and leading the teen ministry at Faith Journey Church of the Nazarene in Olathe and during our dinner, he told me all the ways that his time with TFC is positively impacting his current ministry.
Scott also let me know how much he misses TFC. A couple of lines that stuck with me were, "We had a really good thing going" and "we reached a lot of people." We were having such a good time reminiscing that for a few minutes I considered doing it all over again.
But it's TFC's uniqueness that made it unsustainable, at least in the small-town context we were in and the in the traditional model of a full-time pastor.
But as I like to say, "we did more in 7 years than most churches will do in 70."
My first week working in the KCMSD has been a difficult week. We are being trained to teach in a way that is going to require, to quote a TFA teacher about to begin her second year, "A TON of work." Without going into a bunch of details, I'm going to be overseeing the academic growth of about 100 students and spending crazy amounts of hours developing projects and recording student performance in various tracking devices while writing my lesson plans from nearly scratch. Just one of those three challenges would be difficult, but all three will be... Well, I'm still in denial.
Add to that a salary that will barely allow me to pay our mortgage and a 50 minute commute to and from work. Well, it's going to be a VERY difficult year.
This rather stark reality reminded me of some daydreaming I was doing about 3 or 4 years ago. I can vividly remember taking a first-time guest coffee mug to a family who lived in a large house just south of town. Their house and the others around, were nestled into some clearings in a beautiful wooded area. At that time, Erin and I were a DINKS couple (Dual Income No Kids). And while neither of us were earning a very large salary, we were being very intentional about saving and investing every possible dollar. While visiting that house, I remember thinking, "if Erin and I continue on our current financial path (at that time we were both working full time - not making a lot but being very careful with our money and making some serious financial headway) we could eventually buy a house like this." Pre-parenthood vacations and Dave Ramsey-inspired attempts to pay extra on our house was getting me in the mindset of "live like on one else now, so that later you can live like no one else." A Dave Ramsey line that basically means scrimp now and live-it-up later. At that time, we were definitely on the "like no one else" path toward the American Dream. Honestly, I was quite blinded by that dream.
But while I was busy dreaming about the future, God was using our "years of plenty" to prepare us (like Joseph and Egypt in Genesis) for "years of want."
In the book Crazy Love, a book which has impacted me greatly, author Francis Chan observed that when travelling, Christians often pray for a "safe travel." And while Chan didn't write that there is anything wrong with a safe journey, he did point out that many Christians are concerned with taking the safe path. But if you look at Jesus' teaching, his examples and the examples of the early Christians - a life of following Jesus is to be anything but safe. I was getting too focused on safe and comfortable and God needed to bluntly remind me of the type of life he's called me to. A life that will do the crazy, risky, outside-the-comfort-zone type of things that will reach the people no one else is reaching. Things like starting a new church with no money and no people because I knew it was the best way to reach those not yet in a church.
The reality I need to continue to accept is that God never intended for my life to be simple and comfortable. I am to be living in such a way that I can sense his guidance toward the next Kingdom adventure. I am to be sensitive enough that when he re-directs me, a re-direction like this teaching gig, I obey. I am to be selfless enough that I follow his guidance, no matter the personal cost.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer stated, "When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die."
In Matthew 16:24 we read Jesus' statement, "If anyone wants to be my disciple, he must deny himself, pick up his cross and follow me."
These thoughts had been going on in my head but it all became clear for me last night while watching the Les Mis 25th anniversary concert, I had a bit of an epiphany. I had a bit of an epiphany while watching "I Dreamed a Dream." This song is sung by Fantine, one of the many tragic characters in Victor Hugo's novel. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYjQduehTpM
To say that Fantine's life was neither easy nor comfortable would be an understatement. And while Fantine was a fictional person, her character is based upon many of Miserable Ones who lived in extreme poverty during the European revolutions of 1848. I've been reading the book 1848: Year of Revolutions about this time period and it's hard to imagine the gap between the "haves" and the "have-nots" and the desperate poverty that caused the Miserable Ones (English for Les Miserables) to revolt.
Not only was a I reminded that my life is not to be comfortable. I was also reminded that even with our current financial situation, I am still among the "haves" of the world. I am tempted to feel sorry for myself only when I compare myself to the few in our world who are more comfortable than myself.
I didn't have to fight for survival in a 19th century Parisian slum. I don't have to eek out a miserable existence as one of the underclass in modern-day India. Most relevant to my current situation, I wasn't born into the inner cities that are forgotten by (at best) and oppressed (at worst) by the "haves" of our society. I wasn't born into the financial, educational and social situations into which most of my soon-to-be students were born. I wasn't born as the subset social group of the richest nation in the world destined to be ignored and trampled on by the rest of society. I've heard it said that if the gap continues to widen, our nation is headed toward an apartheid existence. No matter what my paycheck may read, I was born into privilege.
I was also born again into the Kingdom of God. And for that reason, I must continually reject comfort and move toward the cross. The life of following Jesus is not a life turned in on itself. Rather, it is a life lived with an outward-focus. A life lived in the footsteps of the crucified Savior.
I'm glad God woke me up from that dream before it was too late. I'm glad to move out of my comfort zone and into a life that matters.
Just for kicks, here is the
Glee version of "I Dreamed a Dream."
Two Saturday nights ago, I was relaxing in my living room, thinking about how nice it was going to be to take my wife to dinner in the Power and Light District, then to KC Symphony and to then to get in a nice jog before worship the next morning. Until my good friend, Russ Koelzer, who is the founding pastor of LifeStream Christian Church here in Gardner, called me to see if I could fill in for his sick self the next morning. Since Russ is such a good friend, I was glad to help him out. So I preceded to spend some time that afternoon and the next morning reworking a sermon I'd preached a couple years ago for Trinity Family during Epiphany. The sermon was from Matthew's account of the calling of Peter, Andrew, James and John, the main idea being that Jesus calls and uses the unchosen and unqualified to change the world. It was a powerful message then and I think it made some connections that Sunday, too. As I was about ready to walk in front of the congregation, I thought of how I'd preached that sermon and many others from that same spot in the Madison Elementary Commons. It was a bit of a nostalgic moment for me.
While the content was powerful (mostly because of the research I'd done and a story I told) my delivery wasn't too great, I went WAY too fast. My hyper-speed was likely due to three reasons: 1) I tried to cram too much info into one sermon, as I'd added stuff to the original message 2) I hadn't preached for awhile and was a bit rusty and 3) I was a bit nervous speaking to a group of people I didn't really know. But even though my delivery wasn't too smooth, it was great to be able to preach again.
The ability and calling to preach was one of the things that caused me to be hesitant about leaving traditional pastoral ministry. But after wrestling with and praying about it for long time, I felt God's assurance that he would give me the right opportunities to faithfully live out that particular part of the calling he'd placed on my life. Basically, I had to come to a place of trusting God with the whole preaching thing. And I guess that last Sunday is just one example of future opportunities to use and give the gift of preaching.
The Story Continues
Our theme for today is that the story continues. Yes, this chapter is closing but the story of Trinity Family really will continue. As one example, on Friday, I received this email from a pastor in Oklahoma.
“I am a pastor of a church in Oklahoma City, OK (Antioch) and I am starting a series this week called "Love Wins". I am dealing with Judas and Peter and how Jesus loved them even though they betrayed and denied, and how Peter chose to be restored to that love. I am also going to preach about how Love Won on the cross and through the resurrection and how Jesus used and uses imperfect people to spread his message.
When I went to Google to find pictures to use for promotion, one of those pictures led me to your web site and your "Love Wins" ministry. I am planning to use your video about the Gentlemen's Clubs this Sunday (if that is okay with you). I have just completed a series challenging our people to get outside our walls and to take the church to the streets, and your story moved me. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate what you are doing for the Kingdom! Jesus is very pleased with your heart and your mission. Keep up the good work.
Nathan Tate
The story continues…
- As the Michael and Elizabeth Palmer welcome their baby into the world this September
- As Joe Kumor finishes up his ministry degree and continues to preach at teach at his home church. The guy who once told me he’d rather be shot at in battle then preach before a congregation.
- As I get to take what I’ve learned here at TFC about God’s love for the poor into a KC, MO classroom. Sharing God’s love with the kids the rest of society has forgotten.
- As Josh and Ashley Vance help lead a missional church in St. Petersburg, Florida.
- As we join our outwardly-focused mindset and energy with Indian Creek Church. A church who shares our heart for those outside the church.
- As people in Ethiopia continue to draw fresh water from the well we helped dig.
- As orphans in Bangladesh continue to eat food from the garden we helped create.
- As the kids of people like Travis, Brett and Lindsay grow up with parents who know Jesus. They know Jesus because of this church.
- As Jamie Raymo continues to learn how to do life without chemical dependence.
- As Zach Pogemiller helps more and more people understand Jesus’ message of nonviolence.
- As the “three amigos” of the TFC nursery grow up together and keep fighting each other.
- As Erin and I guide Dawson’s spiritual development, following the example set by Noel and Dawn Forrester.
- As we get to be daddy and mommy to a child we thought we might never have. A child so many of you prayed for, even before he was conceived.
- As our “miracle baby”, Noah Pride keeps celebrating one more birthday.
- As Ben and Irene Delong get to live out the calling they’ve had since we became friends 6 years ago. A calling to share Jesus’ love with the gay community. The story continues as they get to live out that calling in Midtown.
- TFC Midtown will continue TFC’s legacy of reaching the people that other churches ignore through methods that other churches would never dream of trying.
The final scence of the Christmas classic, It's a Wonderful Life always gets to me. George Bailey has spent his entire life trying to juggle two almost competing desires: 1) to provide financially for his family and 2) to serve the town he loved. Of course, when George feels like a failure at both of these endeavors, as well as compared to the standards for success for his profession, he tries (in vain) to end his life. And at the end of the movie, when all hope seems lost, the whole town comes and bails him out. But what gets me is how George is helped out and even praised by all the people he's been helping; people he didn't even realize he was helping. As George's living room fills with people, he is able to see a reality much greater than the small and frustrated perspective he'd been having. Whenever I watch that scene, I think, "that's what I want my life to be about - giving my life away for others." And I usually cry thinking about it.
Well, as our last worship gathering for the church I began and pastored, I had an It's a Wonderful Life Moment. Honestly, I don't know if there will ever be a moment in my life in which I have more praise and thank-you's poured over me than hour of open sharing that happened this morning.
Mostly, that hour was a blur of tears, hugs and 'thank-you's'. But I remember a few lines, many of which were forced out between tears.
"Thank you for leading my daughter to Christ. For speaking at my wife's funeral. For helping me celebrate her first post-mortem birthday."
"I was so lost, but you, Erin and this church found me."
"This is the only church I've ever known. I've been sober for six months because of this church."
"You and the church changed my paradigm for what church is to be about. My understanding of the Kingdom has expanded. For awhile, I wasn't being obedient to God. But your obedience inspired me to be obedient." And the growth I saw in this friend over the period of about a year was the most dramatic change I've ever seen in a Christian.
"I never thought I'd care anything about God or the bible. But now I know Jesus. Thank you. We've been through a lot together. Thanks to you and Erin for always being there for me." That guy wanted to talk longer but he just couldn't get the words out. But I knew what he was trying to say.
In response to my sermon about going after the lost sheep - "Donnie, I was 'the one.' I could be real around you. You accepted the real me." This guy wanted to say more but couldn't choke back the tears. His wife said that was one of the few times she's ever seen him cry.
"I've been a Christian my whole life, but this church gave me a vibrancy I'd never experienced before. Donnie has a unique and fresh way of explaining God." This friend is now preparing for full-time ministry
"Donnie and Erin, you really helped me see the truth."
From a teenager who gave me a tearful hug,"Thank you for doing that bible study with me last summer." I was starting to drift in the wrong direction but you nudged me back toward God."
"This church has helped my family know what it means to love people the way Jesus loved."
It has been anything but easy. But it has been more than worth it. I've always had a gift for words but I have no words to describe the awe and thankfulness at having been such a significant part of the spiritual journey of so many people. Maybe we should all just gather around the piano and sing, "Auld Lang Syne."
This is the final thing I shared with my congregation as pastor of TFC. I thought maybe I'd make it through without crying, but I wasn't even close.
Thank You
I haven’t wanted to end our time together this morning. Because as soon as we’re done with this morning’s worship, my role as pastor will come to an end. I’m still around, here to help people with the transition - for as long as necessary. But officially, the role of lead pastor transfers to Andy. And I’m glad. I could think of a few better people to pass you over to – but not many… I think I was God’s man for the past seven years but Andy is certainly God’s man for the future.
But the last thing I want to say to all of you is “thank you.” There’s nothing more appropriate than that.
- Thank you for letting me be your pastor. For trusting me. For rebuking me. For praying for me. For listening to me preach. For putting up with me. For believing the best about me. For taking care of my family financially. For challenging me to love Jesus more. For choosing yourselves to love Jesus more. For living out the Kingdom in front of me. And for loving me. And my wife. And my son. Being your pastor has been a privilege that words can’t do justice. It’s an experience that has forever changed me – mostly for the better. And one that I’ll never, ever forget. Thank you.
(Glinda):
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
(Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
(Glinda):
Because I knew you
(Both):
I have been changed for good
(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore
(Glinda):
Because I knew you
(Both):
I have been changed for good
(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore
(Glinda):
Because I knew you
(Both):
I have been changed for good
(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore
(Glinda):
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
(Elphaba):
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
This is my final message. I want to start with a video we used to show as we travelled around the area, gathering support for our new church.
I still get kind of pumped watching this video. But that line, “Gardner shows no signs of slowing down” is a bit embarrassing now. I didn’t know it would all slow down. I didn’t know that from the time we shot that video until the time we launched TFC, three other churches would open in town. You know what, I’m glad I didn’t know about the challenges. If so, I might’ve wimped out. But with a church composed of myself, my wife and Jeremy, Tonya and Mason Pride, we bought a house and moved to Gardner, KNOWING this new church was going to help people find a new relationship with Jesus.
I’ve learned to let a lot of this go, but for a long time I was really caught up in numbers, specifically the number of people in worship. I’d beat myself up over it, honestly. When one day, while hanging out at my parents over Christmas I remember asking God (again) why we didn’t have more people in our church. It’s only happened a few times in my life, but that was one of the few times God has answered with an almost-audible voice, “Donnie, I promised you you’d reach unchurched people in Gardner. And you are. I didn’t however, promise you how many.” So I started counting up the people who called TFC home who hadn’t been in a church before, and I realized, “yep,” God had come through on his promise. In a little bit, those of you who have come to faith in Christ at TFC will have a chance to share your story.
In addition to that video, whenever I’d speak at other churches I’d also preach from Luke 15. Luke 15 is all about Jesus searching out people who were lost. Luke 15:1-7
I want to share a couple observations. Some things I learned when I first preached from this passage, 7 years ago. And what I’ve learned during the almost 7 years of leading this church.
The love of Jesus is costly A lot of us have an extra-biblical view of what is happening here. We have this picture of the shepherd, at the end of the day, leading his sheep into the safety of the sheep pen. We see the shepherd counting each sheep as it comes through the gate, “96, 97, 98, 99…” Until the shepherd realizes that one of his precious sheep is missing. So the shepherd wisely locks the other 99 in the pen and then bravely goes out to find the lost sheep. It’s a great image. An image of the love of Jesus that warms us. The only problem is that that image, isn’t in this passage.
I’m not sure where we get that image. In my case, I think it was some songs we’d sing in church. Or maybe because my dad was a farmer and we actually had sheep. Maybe some pictures I saw in a children’s bible. But wherever that idea came from, it’s not in the passage. Vs 4 Jesus is asking a rhetorical question. Of course you don’t leave the 99 in the wilderness just to find one. In farming, it’s just a reality that you’re going to lose the occasional animal. Animals wander off, die giving birth or die from some sickness. It’s just a cost of doing business. But what you don’t do as a farmer is risk the entire herd on the off chance that you might rescue that one lost sheep. While the shepherd is off looking for that one lost sheep, a lot of bad stuff could happen to the other 99. A wolf could attack some. Another shepherd could steal a few. They could walk off a cliff. Sheep are herd animals. If one walked off the cliff, the other 98 would follow. I’m not exaggerating. Sheep are dumb. I don’t know this for sure, but that might be why Jesus compares us to sheep. We all do some pretty dumb stuff.
But that’s not the point of this parable. The point is that the Good Shepherd risks the safety of the other 99 on the off chance that he just might find that one lost sheep. In a bit, we’re going to celebrate communion. It’s a meal that reminds us that we are people of the cross. And nowhere do we get a better picture of how much Jesus’ love cost him than when we look at the cross.
But as people of the cross, we are to be living out that same costly love. GS risked the other 99. So we have to ask ourselves, what is it costing me to share the love of Jesus with other people? Are we risking anything? If it isn’t costing you anything, you’re probably not sharing the love of Jesus. You may be sharing a worldly kind of love – a love toward those who we like or who are kind to us. You may be being nice, polite, friendly, a good neighbor. And those are all great. But unless what you’re doing for other people in the name of Jesus is actually costing you something – it’s not Christ-like love.
Loving people the way Jesus loved costs us our time. Changing our schedule so we can be around people who need the love of Jesus. Loving people the way Jesus loved will cost you some money. We see it all throughout the NT, that one of the most Christ-like ways we love other people is by sharing our money with them. And if we’re not sharing our money, the love of Jesus isn’t in us. Money becomes an idol that replaces Jesus.
I remember a line from another sermon I was preaching before this church launched, “If Jesus were here today, he’d be hanging out downtown at the gay bars. Showing God’s love to those rejected by the religious community.”
I knew this in my head. But what I didn’t know was that one night, there would be a baby shower in strip club, that as we were given gift after gift, the manager of that club, with tears running down his face, would tell us “no one has ever loved us the way you’ve loved us.” And when the head bouncer warned me, “Donnie, don’t turn around, that girl didn’t follow our request to put on more clothes,” I knew I was taking a risk similar to the risk Jesus took.
Neither did I know at the time I delivered that sermon, that one night I’d be singing karaoke at one of those downtown establishments. But the time that our people spent in that bar would eventually result in people coming to faith in Christ. Whatever that cost our church – it was worth it.
The love of Jesus is scandalous. Even more so when we realize that it meant for Jesus to share a meal with “sinners.” Eating with someone wasn’t just a way to hang out. It was a theological statement, a statement about God. Whenever a rabbi, like Jesus, ate with someone, he was saying, “God loves you and accepts you. There is a place for you in his kingdom.” Exactly why we see this response – vs 2
And you know how Jesus responded to those self-righteous religious leaders? These religious leaders could quote the entire bible. They knew God didn’t accept those people. But here is Jesus – God-in-the-flesh, eating with these “notorious sinners”, therefore declaring, “God accepts you.”
You know what seems like a bigger scandal, at least to me. Jesus ate with the religious leaders, too.
“God loves and accepts you, too.” Jesus’ love is scandalous.
Jesus responded differently to different groups. To the religious people who believed they had it all figured out, looked great on the outside and thought they should tell others how to live. He got in their face, challenging their fake-ness, telling them to stop ordering others around and to focus on getting clean on the inside.
But to the non-religious, the ones whose weren’t faking it, who were clearly messed up. With them, Jesus took a more gentle approach. Assuring them of God’s love and acceptance and then letting the love of God serve as the motivation for change.
Jesus knew what he was doing. In the gospels, we see the religious and non-religious, Pharisees and sinners both choosing to leave their sin and follow Jesus. We also know that a lot of people turned away and some religious zealots eventually got him crucified.
We also see in Jesus’ example that hanging out with people and assuring them of God’s unwavering love is not a condoning of sinful behavior. And getting in the face of religious leaders is not necessarily a condemnation of sincere intentions, even though the judgmentalism was clearly misguided. Rather, Jesus pushed past the bad behavior, past the sinful judgmentalism – all the way to the heart. If the heart could just meet the scandalous love of God, the behavior would take care of itself. We don’t need the addictions of sin when we’re getting our acceptance from God. We don’t need to condemn others when we’re getting our value from God’s love for us.
Churches are great at loving the people who think like us, act like us, believe like us, vote like us, look like us cheer for our sports teams – whatever. Which is why most churches are culturally homogeneous. As author Ann Lamott said, You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people that you do. Unfortunately, a lot of churches are great at creating an “us vs. them” mentality. “God is for us and against them.” But you can know that the love of Jesus is transforming a church when people of different cultures and opinions can live together in community within the same church. Jesus’ love destroys the “us vs. them” mentality. We’re all in this together. We’re all broken and in desperate needs of God’s powerful love.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the years of leading this great church, it’s that unless we’re being shocked by its scandalous nature, we don’t really understand the love of Jesus.
I just read an obitiuary of sorts regarding my time in pastoring TFC. I read it in the section of my DS's weekly email entitled "transitions," in which he shares news of pastors joining or leaving the District. It was now my turn to be in that section.
"Pastor Donnie Miller (Gardner Trinity Family) announced his resignation to the congregation to be effective at the close of services April 3rd. Donnie and Erin planted TFC more than five years ago and have led the church in some of the most creative outreach ministries we know. The ministry of TFC will continue but will relocate from Gardner to Midtown Kansas City under the strategy of reaching some of the most marginalized people among us. We wish the Millers all the best in the days ahead."
You know what, I'm honored by that description of my pastoral service at TFC.
People leave churches. It happens. Unfortunately, it happens a lot. While it may be common, it does sometimes put pastors in awkward situations. When it's the pastor leaving the church, it puts the congregation in an awkward (at best) situation. A pastor friend of mine was just describing it as a break-up. We say we'll be friends and we have the best of intentions, and sometimes we do stay friends, but the truth is we used to be so much more than friends. I think that's a pretty good description.
Sometimes the person's decision to leave is a personal reason, other times it's not. Either way, I've always taken it personally. I used to feel kind of guilty or weak for this feeling until I read a blog post from Adam Hamilton in which he said that no matter how many thousands of people call him pastor, he still takes it personally every time someone leaves. And then I just read this honest and emotional article from Leadership Journal.
The reasons for and methods of leaving have run the gamut; from people mad that I talked about money in a sermon to people needing a church with a youth group. I've been on the wrong end of emotional explosions and attacks on my character to people tearfully telling me how much they love us and the church but that they need to make a change. And of course, there are those who just stop showing up for worship but never bother to tell myself or anyone else. Those are the awkward ones. Even the bitterly angry "breakups" eventually get resolved or healing happens, but when people just ditch you without saying anything - those are the ones that cause me to duck down the aisle at Walmart when I see them coming toward me. I used to try to hunt people down but sometime in the past couple of years, I decided I didn't need to chase people.
But of all these different experiences, the ones that stick out in my mind are the solid leaders who have left. The people who were "pulling their weight" so to speak - leading, serving and/or giving in significant ways. Again, this is all over the spectrum. Some people who have had significant leadership roles just told me they were done and then basically walked off the job, leaving us scrambling to fill the gap or compensate for that gap. While I completely understand the desire to simply be done, that's not the healthiest way to transition out of a leadership position. The most extreme example happened one Sunday after we'd just finished loading up the trailer. In fact, we'd just locked up the trailer door and were turning to leave when a person who had been serving in a significant role announced that he'd just finished his last Sunday and wouldn't be back. Geez... that was sudden.
But those unfortunate instances highlight the examples of leaders who have left well. Those who were willing to finish strong, help train a replacement and work for the well-being of all - despite the personal awkwardness the situation may have caused them. These people let me know far in advance of their final Sunday that they'd be looking for a church home but followed through on their ministry commitments until a predetermined date. It's not easy to continue to show up to your leadership position when those you're leading and/or serving know you'll be "breaking up" soon. Those are the leaders who have inspired me to whenever my turn would come, to leave well.
Well, sometime in January of this year, I knew my time to leave had come. It was one of the most incredibly difficult decisions I'd ever made, but I was confident that the timing was right. Although this may sound overly spiritual, I felt released from my role as pastor of TFC.
But I had a couple challenges facing me: 1) This is one of my two income sources, so I depend upon the paycheck. 2) Due to Erin's teaching position, we couldn't make a serious change until the end of the school year. But despite those challenges, I knew it was time for me to leave. I set a goal of leaving by the end of June but I wasn't exactly sure how to leave well nor whether I'd even have the guts to do so.
The easiest thing would've been to hang on in my pastoral role until the socially acceptable time-frame for a pastor's resignation; usually within two weeks to one month of announcing the resignation. Basically, just keep going through the motions until submitting a formal resignation at the beginning of June. This would allow me to keep getting paid through June and to avoid the awkwardness of a "lame duck" pastor.The only problem - that wouldn't have been a very loving nor honest way to treat the congregation.
While I was sharing with my District Superintendent that it was time for me to leave, he challenged me to leave well. In fact, my DS used the examples of other leaders who have left TFC well in challenging me to do the same. The fact that I'm the only pastor TFC has ever had was going to make this potential pastor transition different than your average church - meaning I needed to handle it differently than most pastors would do so. My DS challenged me to not wait until June to share with the Advisory Council that I would be leaving but to tell them way in advance, to best prepare them for my departure as well as give them enough time to figure out the next step for TFC. While this wasn't going to be a comfortable conversation and it would lead to a potentially awkward few months, I knew my DS was right. So I had that conversation with the Advisory Council.
Honestly, it couldn't have gone any better. It certainly was difficult, though. During that meeting and throughout the next few weeks, the Advisory Council members went through all the stages of grief; shock, denial, anger and acceptance. Some people shed tears and some balled up their fists in frustration. But they responded to my vulnerability and honesty with a commitment to leading TFC to the best possible future. (I'll blog more on that later). And when it was time for me to share the transition / resignation with the congregation, they stood with me and have helped lead this transition.
Of course, my worst fears haven't been realized. It has been awkward, not with the Advisory Council anymore but with some members of the congregation. But people are also supportive, understanding and trusting of my decision and leadership. Secondly, I'm going to get paid through June! While the Advisory Council decided to make this transition happen as quickly as possible, they honored my commitment to stay through June and have decided to pay me for that time period. If I've done one thing right, it's help TFC manager her finances well, so we'll be passing along quite a bit of money to TFC Midtown. And it possible that I might be starting a new position July 1st. But I won't know that for a couple more weeks. If it happens, believe me, I'll share it here.
While I've certainly made plenty of mistakes while leading TFC, I've always tried to do the right or best thing no matter how difficult or uncomfortable it may have been. It seems to me in navigating the most difficult time period for our church, I've been able to follow through on what was right, allowing me to leave well.
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