I met with a counselor yesterday to talk through some of the hurdles I'm facing as we try to decide what to do about the potential adoption. I'll list the big 3 and the counselor's response. And this counselor has an adopted son.
1) Grieving the loss of having a biological child I've known intellectually that this is likely a reality, but other than the first few days I found out, I hadn't really faced it. But the reality of an adoption is causing me to finally face and grieve the loss of having a boy who could grow into a linebacker or a girl with blue eyes as pretty as Erin's. The counselor affirmed these feelings of grief, told me that no matter what people my say, adoption is not like having your own child. Adoption is full of loss. He basically affirmed what I was feeling.
2) If we do get pregnant, can I love both kids the same? I'd like to think I can, but what if we do end up having a biological child? My counselor didn't spend much time on this, "Donnie, you can, I know you can." And he said that when you get the newborn in your arms, the bond is instant.
3) What about medical concerns? There are a few potential health risks with this pregnancy. Both my counselor and our adoption social worker said that if we discover major health problems or potential birth defects, it's okay not to adopt the baby. That not everyone is called to adopt a baby with medical problems and if we're not called to do it it's okay because there are lots of families that are. This is one major difference between adopting and giving birth.
We need to do some more research and Erin is going to go to some doctor appointments. We'll never eliminate all risk but we can still gather some more info.
Please be praying for us.