For the past month or so, Dawson has been waking up at 5:30 - every single day. In order to get him back to sleep and try to break him of this painful habit, we're lying right next to him on the couch after that 5:30 feeding. The past two days, he's fallen back asleep. Yesterday Erin laid next to him, this morning it was my turn.
At about 5:45, Dawson began falling back to sleep, nestled in between myself and the back of the couch. I let him lay there for about 1o minutes before carrying him to his crib. Those 10 minutes were wonderful. Dawson's, blanket-covered, warm little body was snuggled next to mine. His head was laying on the side of my arm and his little legs were curved along the top of my legs. Nothing really better in the world than lying next to your sleeping little boy. My thoughts then turned from my little boy to my Heavenly Father.
As my little boy lay on my left, nestled between the couch and my body, I imagined my much bigger Father on the right, holding me in between his infinite person and my little son. Just as I'm content to simply hold my son, I know my Father is content to hold his son. It was a good time of enjoying the presence of my earthly son and my heavenly father.
All year, I've been trying to focus upon the discipline of constantly practicing the presence of God. Each morning, I read a section for Practicing His Presence (linked on the right side of this blog) and try to turn my thoughts to God throughout the rest of the day. To be honest, I've been pretty unsuccessful at it. Occasionally however, I have moments with God similar to this morning's moment with Dawson.
Here's an excerpt from this morning's reading:
"Can I bring the Lord back in my mind-flow every few seconds so that God shall always be in my mind? I choose to make the rest of my life an experiment in answering this question.
Someone may be saying that this introspection and this struggle to achieve God-consciousness is abnormal and perilous. I am going to take the risks, for somebody ought to do it. If our religious premises are correct at all then this oneness with God is the most normal condition one can have. It is what made Christ, Christ. It was what St. Augustine meant when he said, 'Thou hast made us for Thyself, and our souls are restless until they find their rest in thee.'
I do not invite anybody else to follow this arduous path. I wish many might. We need to know so much which one man cannot answer. For example: 'Can a laboring man successfully attain this continuous surrender to God? Can a man working at a machine pray for people all day long, talk with God all day long, and at the same time do his task efficiently? Can a merchant do business, can an accountant keep books, ceaselessly surrender to God? Can a mother wash dishes, care for the babies, continuously talking to God?'
Is this obtainable?
Any hour of any day may be made perfect by merely choosing. It is perfect if one looks toward God that entire hour, waiting for His leadership all through the hour and trying hard to do every tiny thing exactly as God wishes it done, as perfectly as possible. No emotions are necessary. Just the doing of God's will perfectly makes the hour a perfect one."