Back to School

As tends to be the case on this blog, by the time I get around to writing a post, I feel obliged to preface it with “this post has been a long time coming.”

The Olathe North Eagle

[Picks up pencil, prepares paper, clears throat] “This post has been a long time coming.  So long, in fact, I’m not exactly sure which past even should serve as the starting point.”

Maybe I start in the fall of 2018, when, as a French II teacher at Olathe North High School, I reassumed the role of classroom teacher for the first time since I fled George Melcher elementary 8 years prior, with my tail between my legs, my head down and in the midst of the first and only nervous breakdown of my life.  As that fall semester and that long-term substitute position both came to an end, my supervising principal gave the direct advice to “finish your teaching certification as quickly as possible because a high school classroom is where you’re meant to be, you clearly have the teaching and relational skill set to thrive in that setting.”

Maybe I start in May of 2018, on a drive up north to visit my parents for the weekend, when my then girlfriend advised, “you’ve been talking about wanting to finish this French degree since we met.  I think you need to go ahead and finish it because, if you don’t, you’ll likely regret it the rest of your life.” Insightful woman, that wife of mine.

Maybe I start in the fall of 2017, when a friend of mine who is two years older than me started his Masters of Education program at Rockhurst University.  He started the program at 40 and by age 42 had secured a teaching position.  Two years later, I enrolled in evening classes in the same program, knowing that I was young enough to still put in a solid career as a teacher but old enough that my window for doing so was rapidly closing.

Tailgating before a Blazer football game
fall of 2006

Maybe I start in October of 2011, when I walked away from the Kansas City Missouri School District and Teach For America, regretting every having fallen for the recruiting propaganda of TFA, thus bypassing the traditional teacher-training program at Rockhurst (the same program from which I’m set to graduate in about six weeks) and wondering whether I’d ever again have the opportunity to teach.

Maybe I start in the fall of 2010, when I’m living across the street from Gardner-Edgerton High School, taking French classes in the evening, pushing my son in a stroller across the GEHS parking lot during afternoon walks, tailgating before Friday night Blazer football games and wondering whether dreaming about having the opportunity to one day coach football and teach French at GEHS.

2007 season

Maybe I start in the fall of 2008, when I took my first French class with Lorie Beckum at MNU.  At the time, I just wanted a new hobby and learning a new language seemed as good of a hobby as anything, especially after experiencing the disappointment of not getting to coach again that fall.  I do however, remember telling a person in our church who asked why I’d take the time to learn a new language, “I’m not quite sure why but it seems like the right thing to do.” 

Maybe I start in the fall of 2007, when I had the incredible opportunity to coach the Wheatridge Middle School 7^th grade JV football team.  Watching those kids progress from barely being able to line up correctly to winning their last few games was an experience to which I’ve kept hoping to be able to return, though many times over the past decade it hasn’t seemed very likely. 

Maybe I start over 20 years ago, when I’m a college student at MidAmerica Nazarene University, taking classes to prepare me to be a pastor while telling anyone who’d listen, “if I wasn’t going to be a pastor, I’d be a high school history teacher and football coach.”

All of the above options are great possibilities.  They have all been steps in the journey leading me to a brand-new (while surprisingly familiar) starting point.  After giving it some thought though, I think I’ll start my story just a few weeks in the past.  It was the Tuesday before Spring Break.  Just a regular day in my semester long-assignment as a Student Teacher in a French classroom at Olathe East High School.  Little did I, or anyone else, realize that would actually be the last Tuesday of the school year as, just one week later, the Governor of Kansas would issue a decree closing all Kansas schools for the remainder of the year.  

In the midst of that school day, I interviewed at a nearby middle school for a Social Studies position.  It was a great opportunity. I’d be working with some friends, for one of the best administrators in the district, with the opportunity to coach football again, as well as the stated hope that I’d also consider coaching track and helping sponsor the theatre department.  I came away from that interview excited about the possibility of teaching in that school.

After school was out that day, I had another interview.  This interview was at Gardner-Edgerton High School for a French position.  As I was driving from Olathe to Gardner, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “this was my dream job.  Yeah, it was about nine years ago but there was a time in my life in which I believed the chance to teach French at GEHS a possibility too good to even hope for.”  I found out during the interview that while coaching would be a possibility with this position, it wasn’t an expectation, which would certainly render my first year of teaching much more manageable. 

Later that night, per the advice given during one of the interviews, Sarah and I discussed which option would be the best one to take should I be offered both positions.  Actually, a better description of what happened would be to state that I talked out all the positives and negative while Sarah listened, giving advice or providing affirmations when she deemed it prudent.  It was really a matter of choosing between two great options.  It was a matter of finding out where my “true self” (to quote the book I’ll reference below) was leading. 

On one side stood my love of history, desire to coach football again, the chance to teach in the district where my son attends school and idealism regarding the chance to help middle schoolers successfully navigate that identity-forming period of their lives.  Not only is history such a natural subject for me that, despite not having taken upper-level history classes in college, I was able to ace the National Praxis Content exam, middle school social studies was the bait which Teach For America used to hook me into their program before switching my placement to elementary school when it was already too late for me to back out. 

Proud to be a Blazer... again

On the other side stood my love of all things French, the chance to lead student tours of France, my natural ease at relating to high school students, the professional challenge of continuing to improve my French proficiency, the opportunity to teach alongside friends I’d made from Gardner Community Theatre and the chance to fulfill what just a few years ago I’d considered to be my dream job. 

By the time I talked myself into making the following announcement, the lovely and intelligent ginger with whom I have the amazing privilege of sharing my life simply gave a knowing smile.  “I could always choose to teach history in the future, should I later decide that’s what I want to do.  This might, however be my one opportunity to teach High School French.  I’m fairly certain that if I pass up this opportunity, I’m likely to regret it for the rest of my teaching career (due to a limited number of teaching positions, “losing” my French, etc.)”.   The fact that Sarah’s knowing smile seemed to radiate less from her lips and more from her eyes revealed she’d been patiently waiting for me to come to the conclusion which she’d reached long before me.  Looking back, I realize she’d been discreetly clearing the way for my head to agree with what my heart had long ago decided.  I couldn’t NOT teach French. 

Two nights later, at the Lenexa Rec Center (a place I greatly miss during the Coronavirus lockdown) I was watching a French TV show on the history of Paris while striding in place on the elliptical when I was struck by a profound gratitude over the upcoming opportunity to teach French language and history.  While thinking of how I could possibly use this video for an upper level French class I was simultaneously relishing the assurance that I’d made the right decision.  In just a few months, I’ll be back in yet another French classroom.  This time however, I’ll be facing in the opposite direction.  

KU, fall of 2019

One final thought, let’s just state the unstated obvious; I wouldn’t be standing at the starting line of this mid-life career move had I not experienced some unexpected turns and face-planting failures along the way.  At the advice of a friend who has talked me through many of those turns and failures, I’ve just finished “Falling Upward” A Spirituality for the Two Halvesof Life.”  I’m actually a bit embarrassed to admit this is the first of Richard Rohr’s books which I’ve ever read.  

A cold January 2019 day on the
campus of the University of Kansas.
I took this pic thinking I'd be
writing the "Back to
School" blog post soon.

“That is why I’ve called [the second half of life and this book] ‘falling upward.’  Those who are ready will see that this message is self-evident: those who have gone ‘down’ are the only ones who understand ‘up.’  Those who have somehow fallen and fallen well are the only ones who can go up and not misuse ‘up.’”

“Sooner or later, if you are on any classic ‘spiritual schedule,’ some event, person, death, idea or relationship will enter your life that you simply cannot deal with,  using your present skill set, your acquired knowledge, or your strong willpower.  Spiritually speaking, you will be, you must be, lead to the edge of your own private resources… and you must ‘lose’ at something… let go of your egocentric preoccupations, and go on the further and larger journey. 
In the end, we do not so much reclaim what we have lost as discover a significantly new self in and through the process.  Until we are lead to the limits of our present game plan, and find it to be insufficient, we will not search out or find the real source, the deep well, or the constantly flowing stream.” 

As I enter the second half of life, I’m awe-struck by the positive turn my life has taken.  My marriage is far surpassing my wildest hopes for a primary relationship  My relationship with my son is the best it’s ever been and is getting better.  My relationship with my two step-children has developed into a place of comfort and familiarity.  I’ve made a peace with my past which now serves as a foundation for the future.  Finally, in a few short months I’ll be starting my “dream job.”  I’m giddy with anticipation over the second half of life.  Of course, that’s assuming COVID19 doesn’t erase humanity from the face of the earth…

3 Varsity Players

Five years later, I can finally say I've made a tiny contribution to the GEHS Varsity Football team.  Three of the kids I coached on that 2007 team are now seniors and playing on the varsity team.  They've put in the work, avoided the attrition that took most of their former teammates, spent years on the scout team and they're now finally getting to play in Friday night primetime. 

The fastest kid from that 2007 team, a burner who was unstoppable once he hit the corner, is playing corner.  My favorite kid from that team, our hot-headed and good-hearted fullback, is playing fullback.  The hardest working kid from that team, the son of a good friend of mine with whom I often watch the games, is playing special teams. 

GEHS lost a heart-breaker last night.  After the game, I told one of my former players to keep his head up, though I don't think he heard me.  When I caught the eye of the fullback, his face lit up and he asked, "did you see me playing out there?" 

There are a lot of things I'd like to do in my life over the next twenty years.  Getting a shot to coach football for a few more seasons is definitely on that list.  Whether or not that ever actually happens, I'm glad to have had gatorade dumped on the back of my legs (those kids were short) and to know that I helped with the development of some of the kids playing on Friday nights. 

Draft Day

During the first few days of our TFA induction, we were told over and over to "be flexible", "plan for the unexpected" and even "your placement might be the exact opposite of what you were expecting." We heard stories from current TFA Corps Members about having their teaching role switched 3 weeks into the school year, or not getting a job until mid-September. We even had a seminar focused solely on how our TFA KC staff was working hard with the KCMO School District but that at, best case scenario, we'd know just before the first day. We were given a list of attitudes to have during this time and told about a placement fund for those who don't get a job in the first month.

The next day, the head of personnel for the KCMO school district opened his session with, "I apologize for the delays, we usually don't know much until mid-August." But then, he was interrupted by a member of his staff, then turned back to us and announced, "well, it seems we've finalized everything, and the principals are here to announce their new teachers and you'll be able to sign your contracts."

The place erupted in cheers. It was quite a moment. Very well done by the KCMO school district.

I found out later that the TFA KC staff didn't know until a few hours before we did that we'd be finding out our jobs that day. The KCMO school district staff worked very intensely to get us all placed so quickly. Our principals didn't even know who they'd be getting until a couple hours before they met us.

So the head of personnel, acting like the NFL commissioner on draft day, brought up each principal, announced that principal's 'picks' (new teachers) and all the new teachers joined their principal on stage; taking a picture as a 'team' and singing their contracts right on the spot. We were even given hats with our school's name, just like the NFL draft. It was a great scene and atmosphere.

Each time one of the combined high school / middle school principals came up, I was listening intently, since my initial placement was middle school social studies. So when my name was called with George Melcher Elementary school, I almost missed it. If this had been a televised draft, the announcer might have said something like, "in a surprise pick, George Melcher Elementary has selected Donnie Miller to teach 5th grade." As I walked up front, signed my contract, donned my hat, then posed for the picture with my new co-workers, I was thinking "elementary, oh my word. What have I gotten myself into?"

I had been thinking that my original placement (older kids, one subject) would be easier and more to my personality. So it was quite surreal to be 'picked' for an elementary school. I enjoy kids of that age, I'm just nervous about the lesson planning involved in teaching every subject. My fifth grade co-worker is also a TFA corps member (there are 7 of us in our building), so it will be helpful to work and plan with her. But while reading the Bible yesterday afternoon, I was reminded of what I would often tell my congregation, "Serving isn't about you. It's not about what you get out of it. We serve for the sake of the God who has called us to serve and the people he has called us to serve." Well, considering that my school has a lot of room for growth and a lot of opportunities to help kids facing some serious challenges, this will be a great place to serve. As usually happens, I'll likely find out that what I assumed about a situation is different from reality, meaning that I may come to realize that 5th grade is exactly what I'm suited for.

But it will also be a great place to learn about teaching. I've heard a lot about some of the great teachers there and how the principal creates a very nurturing and caring atmosphere, while also maintaining high expectations. And, when the time is right, I'll be able to coach at one of the nearby high schools.

I'll be trained at Institute over the next five weeks, then I strap in for the ride of my life.

A New Calling - teaching in the inner city

Two years.


I've spent two years thinking and praying about this.


Two years asking God, "is this really where you want me to go?  This seems like the right path.  If not, please, please stop me."


Not only did God not stop me, but with my job offer to teach through Teach For America, He pretty much laied it all out for me.  More on that in a future post 


About two years ago, several different strands began to come together.  The first was my desire to do ministry in a non-traditional setting.  Some missional writer whose name I can't recall wrote (Although this seems like something Reggie McNeal would say) wrote in a place which I can't remember something along these lines, "pastors of the future need to find a profession beyond regular pastoral ministry." 


When asking myself what I'd like for that other career to be, I thought back to my days in college when I'd joke with some friends preparing to teach and coach, "if I wasn't called to preach, I'd be doing exactly what you're doing."  I'd always said that teaching and coaching would be my second choice, if God was okay with it.  Well, now with my new teaching job and my possible role at Indian Creek Gardner, I might be able to do both - though those details still need to be worked out.  That strand had lain dormant for awhile but came back to life after reading that quote and through my coaching experience in 2007.


My 2007 coaching experience was wonderful.  I'd forgotten how much I'd missed football until being back on a practice field and listening to the pop of shoulder pads.  I took an immediate liking to the sound of being called, "coach."  It was such a great experience that  I almost cried when leading the team onto the field for our first game.  As the head 7th grade JV coach, I was able to touch the lives of some kids while also helping them to improve and even win some games.  Due to how well the kids responded to my coaching and the feedback from the school's administration, I assumed I'd be rehired that next fall.  But the head coach, a former college teammate of mine, was required to give hiring priority to a teacher over me.  A conversation with a friend in the District's administrative department, however, inspired me to seek out educational certification.  That search lead to Rockhurst University, where I've been accepted into their Masters of Education program.  Coincidentally, Rockhurst is one of the KC partners with TFA. 


Another strand in this new calling is my growing desire to serve the people Jesus' modeled and taught us to serve, "the least of these." 
To summarize this, here's a part of my initial letter of intent from my TFA application:

I grew up on an Iowa hog farm; far removed both culturally and economically from the under-resourced school districts of America’s inner cities.  It was during my graduate studies at Nazarene Theological Seminary that I became aware of the systemic injustices existing in our nation.  While studying the Old Testament Prophets I realized that governments and institutions can be just as guilty as individuals in committing acts of oppression against the more vulnerable groups and individuals of society.  I came to understand that while the destructive choice of an individual is one cause of poverty, systemic oppression is another.  This was a big change of perspective for a conservative, Iowa farm kid.   

This change of perspective has come from some reading I've been doing over the past few years.  Here's who this strand turned into a calling to serve the inner city.
- In 2008, I read Jesus for President (all these books are linked on the side of this webpage) by Shane Claiborne.  One line in particular has stuck with me,  Claiborne's challenge to go into the places that the Empire has forgotten.  In our Empire, that's the inner-city. 
- In reading Lies My Teacher Told Me, I learned how our nation's educational system is set up to help affluent students succeed while poor students are robbed of those resources while at the same time being told the reason for their failure is their own lack of a work ethic.  Our educational system teaches some kids that they're worthwhile and other kids that they're worthless, then backs up that teaching through the inequal distribution of educational funds.
- Last summer I read Savage Inequalities.  That book stocked the fires of righteous indignation first set ablaze by Shane Claiborne.  One line idea from that book sticks with me (and I paraphrase), "Of course some people will be generals while others will be soldiers, but we can't continue to designate some people as those with the chance to be generals while others are given only the option of being soldiers due simply to the economic status into which they were born."
- In January I read Generous Justice by Tim Keller.  Post 1  Post 2  That book provided a good biblical foundation for this new calling to teach in the inner city.  Keller reminded me of what I already knew, Jesus spent time with the poor and those ignored by the rest of society and then he expected that his followers would do the same.
Finally, Crazy Love challenged me to be willing to give up everything to serve the poor.  At that time, I made a commitment to invest all that we'd saved into the Masters of Education program at Rockhurst in order to get a teaching job in an inner city school.  With TFA, that process has gotten less expensive and much quicker.  But I needed to be challenged the way Francis Chan challenged me. 

During my TFA interview, my interviewer asked me, "Am I sensing a strain of social justice in your desire to work with TFA."  I laughed out loud then explained everything I wrote above. 

Finally, the TFA strand.  You can read about Teach For America here.  Basically, this organization is all of the above strands come together.  Their motto is, "that one day, all children in this nation will have the opportunity to attain an excellent education."  TFA selects and trains proven leaders and put them in under resourced school districts, which also giving their teachers money for their educational degree.  I had heard bits and pieces about TFA before, but until the episode of The Office  "IT Guy" walked away from his job saying, "I'm going to each computers for TFA, " I hadn't actually researched the organization.  When I went to their website, I realized "this is it."  And as I explained in this post, it was quite a coincidence the way it all came together.  And my next post will be some even more non-coincidental coincidences that lead to this new position and new form of ministry.

When I was called to preach at the Iowa District Church of the Nazarene teen camp in June of 1994, I was given the distinct calling to preach the gospel, particularly to those who had never heard it before.  And while this new endeavor feels a bit like a new calling, I think it's actually just a new take on the same calling.  My methods will certainly change but the calling to proclaim (or "preach") the good news (i.e. gospel) that my life is still guiding my life. 

The Power of Forgiveness

Could I forgive a man who shot my dad?
Could I forgive my own son for doing something like that?

Watch / Read this and try not to cry...

Iowa High School Football experienced a first tonight; ESPN was covering the season opener for Applington-Parkersburg High School. Hopefully, espn.com will have the highlights. In the meantime, watch this video and read this article. I LOVE the forgiveness found in this story, I believe it greatly honors Jesus.



Entire article

Article on the game, including ESPN highlights

ESPN News right after the shooting

Overtime

I just got back from the Wheatridge Middle School 8th grade varsity football game against Ottawa. Since I coached 7th grade JV, I didn't coach many of these kids last year but I was proud to see two kids from my team last year had moved up to varsity this year. One of the kids was the hardest hitting players on our team last year and he's starting on the d-line now. The other kid is starting at guard on the o-line. Despite his protests, I had him playing there a bit last year and it makes me feel good to know I was right on in my assessment. I talked with both of them after the game and they were glad to see me. I also got to talk with some former players on the JV team that were watching the game. It was really hard to talk with those kids and watch the game from the stands. I really, really wanted to be out there.

The team lost 12-6 in overtime. It was quite the heart breaker. Before OT, they got the ball with 2 seconds left in regulation (after sacking the Ottawa QB) at their own 39. They ran a reverse pass and the tailback completed the pass for what I think was the first completion of the game. The receiver drug defenders for a few yards before finally getting pulled down inside the 5. I didn't know an 8th grade game could end that exciting.

Neither team scored in the first OT. Ottawa scored to start the 2nd OT and WMS lost a fumble on the first play of their half of OT #2, ending the game. The mom of one of my players from last year commented, "this is the type of game that gives parents gray hairs."

Back to School

I got some bad news the other day, I won't be getting the opportunity to coach this fall. The head coach at WMS (and a teammate of mine at MNU), Brian Essex said they had enough teachers apply for the coaching positions that they couldn't offer the position to a non-teacher, per district policy. He said if it was just on merit, they'd hire me. He said his vice-principal and athletic director told him the same thing. Well, I guess that answers that big question.

I had already decided if I didn't get to coach, I was going to enroll in a French class at JCCC. Which I did, not long after I found out I wasn't coaching. In fact, I applied to JCCC on Wednesday evening, the application was finished by Thursday afternoon and I enrolled in FL 140 (French I) about 3 hours before the first class. So, last night I went to Aquinas High School for my first French class. This song kept running through my head as I tried to find my classroom.

The professor said she'd let us out early because we'd all be crying pretty soon, which was true of me. The fact that she went so fast, I hadn't been able to buy a book yet and others in the class seemed to already know some French made me completely lost. We had to walk around the room and do some dialogue; it was quite humiliating. I'm a visual learner, so I got NOTHING out of the hour of listening to her talk. Once I get the book, though I can start to learn.

Why am I doing this? I'm not totally sure but I know I've had the desire to learn French since we visited France two years ago. When a professor of mine from college, Randy Beckum, told me that I could teach at European Nazarene University with only a master's, I decided that someday I'd love to spend a sabbatical teaching at the EUNC extension campus just outside Paris and then maybe take a month to tour France. I wouldn't mind buying a retirement home in the south of France, either. Maybe Provence or the French Riviera?

I'll also be fulfilling one of my final New Year's Resolutions.

Coach or not to coach

I've got to make a big decision within the next week or two. I've already asked my prayer team to help me seek God's guidance, but I wanted to throw this out for everyone else, too. The question is "do I coach again this fall?" Before I break down the decision, I have to add the qualifier that getting hired depends upon whether there are enough kids out for football to justify Coach Brian Essex adding a 5th coach (me). But lets assume I get offered the position like last year.

Reasons not to coach
1) TFC is growing and will require more time. Many of you may not know this, but last fall I was pretty discouraged about what was happening in our church. We weren't really growing and we'd only seen one conversion over about a 9 month period. I was questioning myself as a leader and wondering whether Gardner was really the right place and whether TFC needed a better pastor. I'm not looking for sympathy, just sharing what was happening.
Coaching gave me a needed shot in the arm. It gave me a new outlet for my leadership (even pastoral) gifts. It gave me an enthusiasm that I wasn't getting from pastoring at that time. Most importantly, it strengthened my belief that God has called Erin and me to Gardner. The opportunity to coach football in this town helped me fall in love with Gardner all over again.
Now, as we're entering the fall of 2008, things are a lot different at TFC. We've got people coming to Christ left and right and new families showing up every Sunday (5 new families just this past Sunday). This means I've gotta give more time to assimilation and discipleship. As much as I LOVE coaching football, disciplining a new Christ-follower is exponentially better.

2) I could train for the KC half-marathon. Not a big deal, but if I'm not coaching 3 hours a day, I'd have more time to run. I'm getting soft around the middle. Ashley Vance's dad wants me to run it with him.

3) Coaching did not have the direct impact upon TFC as did the Gardner Musical From the Chamber of Commerce, to coaching, to the 150 Committee and other activities, I've continually tried to find ways to get into the community. My intention was to serve the community, not grow TFC. Although, if new families came into TFC, that would certainly be a bonus. None of my previous community activities have had as direct an impact upon TFC as the Gardner Musical; illustrated by the fact that we had FIVE families from the musical at TFC on Sunday. In addition to the new families that have come to our church, I just love doing it. (Music and football are the two things I've really missed from High School and College). For this reason, Erin and I have joined the Gardner Community Theatre leadership board. This will obviously take time and we'll be start working on the Best Christmas Pageant Ever sometime in the fall.

Reasons to coach
1) I LOVE it! When we ran onto the field for our first game last September, I had to fight back tears of joy. I know that sounds pathetic, but I LOVE the game of football. I'm also good at it! Seeing our team improve over the year confirmed that I've got some skills necessary to coach. Coaching a team is just like leading a church; many of the leadership skills are very similar. Substitute prayer with yelling and they're about the same job, well, maybe...
A great thought is that God's calling for our lives happens at the intersection of the world's need and our passion. Which leads me to the second pro.

2) I was able to love on some needy kids I'm thinking of one kid in particular. He was a terrible football player, but part of his lack of motivation came from his rough home life. We were able to have some really good conversations in which he opened up to me and I was able to build him up. I encouraged him in his school work and was really proud to see his grades coming up by the end of the season. It breaks my heart to see how some of these kids are treated by their parents. It's a high honor to be able to invest in them just a little bit. I also love getting to talk with them around town, like at GEHS varsity fb games.
Coaching could be like our Love Wins ministry or our service projects. We don't do it to grow our church but to spread the love of Jesus without using words.

3) It helps financially The denomination encourages churches to give their pastors an annual pay raise, the minimum being enough to keep up with inflation. Last year, I turned down a pay raise, this year we're struggling to pay rent, so we certainly don't have the money to give me a pay raise. All the money I earned (well, maybe minus the price of a Hawkeye football game ticket and tithe/ giving) is going into our Roth IRA. The few grand I get paid for coaching will have turned into a lot of money come retirement. While we don't need to money to pay everyday bills, I'd been counting on it for our 2008 financial plan.

4) It's good exercise I try to run sprints with the kids and I love being outside during the fall.

5) I get in free to GEHS events Yep, with my cool USD 231 employee badge. This probably saves us $40 for the year. Okay, so that's not a big deal.

6) I'd still be able to lead 6:00 and 7:00 meetings in the evenings Other than some crazy nights, I should be able to be home in time to continue my usual schedule of leadership and discipleship meetings. So maybe it wouldn't infringe upon TFC as much as I'm worried it might.

Sorry this is so long. I'd like to have some of your input as I work through this decision.

I'm sure it's just a coincidence

While coaching this fall, there was a kid that I seemed to really connect with. Sometimes his dramatic mood swings really frustrated me but for some reason we made a good connection. I also made a good connection with his family, I had more conversations with them than any other family and even sat with them at a GEHS game. At that game, we talked a bit about church, I gave them my card and told them that coaching was a way I could serve the families of the community. They were also the family that talked about getting our Porn Sunday mailer.
Well, last week I got this email from Melissa Billings:
Hey, I forgot to tell you that my hair lady said hi! I was talking with her the other day (she did my nails before I left for the reunion). I’ve given her flyers before about the church….Well, I asked her what her boys were up to and she said that her son played football again and I asked what school he went to cuz my pastor was a coach and she said no way…is it Coach Miller, my son LOVED him. Anyway….we talked about an hour about church and stuff and it sounds like she really wants to come check TF out sometime. She actually said she wanted to come this week, but at the time I didn’t realize it was the love & logic week. It sounds like her and her boys are really ‘starving’ for a church home and how exciting to have that connection with you as her son’s coach!
So I've been connecting with this unchurched family, Melissa's been doing the same and they even live across the street from the Brush's. I'm sure it's all just a coincidence...

Our Season's Over

Yep, other than turning in equipment next week, the JV's season is over. We lost a tough game on Monday against Eudora. The Cardinals scored on the opening drive without us putting up much of a fight, so I was really worried. But our speedy tailback got us down the field on a scoring drive with only about 5 plays or so. But we dropped the first of 3 fumbled snaps and missed the 2 point conversion.
Our defense stiffened up (thanks to some 8th graders we brought along to counter their huge 8th grade 0-line) and we shut them out the rest of the half. Toward the end of the first half, we were driving down into their redzone, when we fumbled the snap again and Eudora recovered the fumble.
At halftime, our QB was really upset that the center wasn't getting him the ball with the usual zip on the snap. The center told me he didn't know what was wrong, but he was really tired. But since our back-up center has little experience, we stayed with our starter and I told him we needed him to play like his usual self.
The second half started with Eudora taking the 2nd play from scrimmage to the house. I don't know what went wrong, but it seemed like the running back had been stopped at the line but after everyone quit, he outran them down the field. These kinds of goofy things happen a lot in young kids fb games. But we held on the PAT, so we were only down 8 and were still in the game. At halftime, I challenged our kids to leave everything on the field. It was their last half of football and they needed to be giving 100% on every play and leaving the field exhausted.
But disaster struck on the kickoff. A knuckle ball kick took a funny bounce and we couldn't get to it and Eudora recovered the kickoff. After a big play, they had a first-and-goal from the 8. But in the most exciting series of the game, our defense held them on downs. It was an awesome effort and I was screaming my head off. The kids and parents were so pumped!
We ended up having to punt it away, though, so Eudora got the ball back at about the 50. But on the first play of Eudora's drive, we stopped them at the line and as the play was ending a dad next to me said, "Jake took the ball, my boy stripped the ball." I didn't see it, but he was right.
So we had the ball at midfield at the end of the 3rd quarter, down by just a TD. Our boys were playing tough and we had the momentum. But just a couple plays later, we fumbled the center-QB exchange again.
Our boys still didn't give up, though, Eudora eventually had a first and goal but we pushed them back to forever and goal. After we ran them out of bounds on third and really long, it looked like we'd get the ball back with one more shot, but an 8th grade linebacker was called for a late hit out of bounds on that play rather than 4th and goal from the 30, they had it inside the 10 and ended up adding a final touchdown.
This was the hardest I'd taken any loss this year. I was really frustrated. I sat pretty quiet during the bus ride home. Our kids had played hard and deserved to win. If it hadn't been for a "tired" center, we probably would've won. I kept asking our center what was wrong, if he took some medication or stayed up all night, but he couldn't figure out why he was tired. I was disappointed that his being tired cost us a game.

The next day I bought them pop, pizza and brought some cookies my wife made and threw them an end of the year party. While we ate, we watched a DVD of two of our wins put together by a kids' dad. He let me keep the DVD and I enjoyed watching myself go crazy during some big plays.

During the party, our center wanted to take a picture of me to remember me by because he's going to be moving in about a week. He then told me that he thinks the reason he felt so bad on Monday was because he had just found out he'd be moving and it really upset him. That really upsets me, poor kid. I don't know the circumstances, but it seems that parents often make choices that they think are best for them without thinking about how it affects their kids.

Porn and Practice

On Wednesday, some of the kids were joking around about porn. I ignore a lot of the crazy stuff they joke around about but this caused me to stop practice for a moment and tell everyone that "porn is sick but sex with your wife is great!" Now, I don't know if I crossed any lines or was too preachy, but I really wanted to take the chance to show them a right view of sex that will fulfill them, not dehumanize them.

I think my comment embarrassed some guys, though and when they were joking about porn again last night after the game one kid announced, "coach says porn is sick but sex with your wife is great." I then told them that our church was having Porn Sunday because it's important to talk about porn. One kid was grossed out by the idea of a "porno church" and then told me about the pictures I could see on another kids' phone (which I politely declined).

But when a parent drove up a kid announced "coach's church is having porno Sunday." "Oh boy" then went through my mind. But the parent responded by saying, "I know, we got the mailer."

I'm convinced that we are following God by having Porn Sunday this weekend.

"BEAT PIONEER RIDGE!"

That was our motto the past week of practice as we prepared to play our new cross-town rival, the brand new Pioneer Ridge Middle School. We said that over and over during practice, before the 1st and 2nd half and after every time out, even when it was obvious we were going to win the game.

Our kids have a bit of a chip on their shoulder; they didn't get to be in the nice new school, some of their teachers left to go to the new school and Pioneer Ridge got more than their fare share of the bigger and faster kids. But as much as we wanted to beat them, my 7th grade JV team was the only one of WMS's four teams to beat Pioneer Ridge. But my kids don't care, all they care about is that they're the "Ridge Bowl" champions!

I was really fired up yesterday. I about hyperventilated when our receiver ran a reverse for about 60 yards down the sideline. I also threw my clipboard and maybe even scared some parents when a short punt bounced off a linebacker and gave PR a new set of downs. I was so FIRED UP!

We shut them down on their initial drive and got the ball at about the 35. We marched right down the field and scored a TD and the 2-point conversion. I told our other coach that we probably just won the game, from what I'd heard about their offense. Turns out I was right, their offense was terrible and we would've only needed one TD as we blanked PR 20-0. The game was so lopsided that I think they only got about 4 first downs and we never even punted.

After that big reverse that got us down to the 10, we tried a fullback trap that lost us 5 yards. We were eventually facing 4th and goal from about the 12 when one of the 8th graders behind me waiting for his upcoming game said "coach, why don't you run a fake reverse." We don't have that in our playbook (we only have about 7 plays) but I knew it would work. So I called a timeout and told the offense we were making up a new play on the fly.

So we ran it, the receiver started running back toward the tailback who faked the handoff while the coaches on the other sideline were yelling "reverse, reverse!" The whole defense keyed on the reverse and our tailback walked into the endzone to put us up 14-0.

During the second half we kept the ball almost the entire 4th quarter, ran some more fakes where the QB kept it and got us a big first down and our final TD. We stopped them on downs, lined up for our "victory formation" (QB taking a knee - and Coach Spencer reminded the team that only the QB takes a knee) and ran out the clock.

Before the game I had planned a victory celebration. After each kid shook hands, they sprinted down to the endzone where they were jumping up and down waiting for everyone to join them. I was the last one there and started moshing with them. Then we yelled "Mustangs!" several times and just whopped it up . As I kept asking on the busride back "who did we just beat?" the PIONEER RIDGE response was defeaning.

Wow, coaching is just as much of a rush as playing.

I could write more, but our final practice of the year starts in a few minutes.

Why God called me to coach

I sat outside the locker room on the curb, waiting for a few parents to pick up some players. As I waited, I talked with one of my JV players. To be honest, this kid is kind of annoying and he puts in minimal effort on the practice field, but it was good to have a conversation with him away from the football environment. In fact, the conversation was heart=breaking.

He was waiting for his grandma to pick him up and he eventually (with some indirect questioning on my part) began to explain why he lives with his grandparents. I'll spare all the sick details, but his parents are those on the "just because you can have sex doesn't mean you're qualified to be a parent" list.

He eventually told me, "I don't think my mom even cares if I exist, she doesn't want me around." He had tears in his eyes and I about started crying myself. Even as I write it now, it still really hurts. Now I see why he doesn't have much motivation on the football field and why he's struggling so much in the classroom. Man, if I could just fix this kids' problems, he hurts so badly.

All I could do was try to reassure him that his mom has made bad choices, that it's not about him, his mom would've made these bad choices no matter who her son was. That the bad choices of his mom are no reflection on his value as a person. But you know what, I'm sure there's no way he believes what I just told him.

I went crazy last night

On Monday, I really pushed my kids during conditioning and while they ran hard, I'm sure they were angry about how I kept making them run more. But I really want them to get strong.

Last night, I got some insight into how they must've felt when I was working out with Jason. We had a good workout and we moved to the last excercise with which we usually finish our back workout, a type of single-armed upright row (hard to explain, it's a funky looking machine). After the first set I thought we might be done, but Jason (who goes first) got back on the machine for another set. After that set he told me to go fast, not taking a rest between sets. So we kept rotating back and forth, sets of 10 on each side without a rest between. Each time he sat down for another set, I got more frustrated, wondering when in the world we'd be done. After several painful sets, he threw another 45 pound plate on each side. I couldn't believe it and I was really angry about it.

We'd been doing sets of 1o and I figured I'd only do 6 or so with all the extra weight. But when I positioned myself for the final set, I blew a fuse emotionally. The frustration of not wanting to work out so hard (I am naturally lazy) and all the anxiety and frusration I've been experiencing the last couple weeks just exploded inside of me and I went crazy. I did a full 10 reps (as many as Jason - who is much bigger) and then did an additional two. When I switched to the left side (weaker side) I pumped out 6, took a deep breath and blew out 6 more. During the last 6 I was grunting, yelling and almost crying as I let out all kinds of frustration.

When I finished, Jason looked at me and asked, "did you get it all out?" I answered, "I hope so." I was shocked that my frustration was so obvious.

My first gatorade bath

I knew it was coming. In the middle of the 4th quarter, one of the more squirrely kids said, "Guess what we're going to do to you, coach? Heh, heh, heh." Which prompted a "way to give it away" from another kid. I saw a couple kids go grab the cooler (thankfully it was actually water, not gatorade) and my center was standing right in front of me, looking behind me with huge eyes. I tried to walk slowly and pretend I didn't what was coming my way. The funny thing is that they're so short, they only got me from the waist down, which is fine by me, it was cold.

The necessary coaching changes that kept me up last Thursday night worked this Thursday afternoon. The kids are getting their plays down (we had no miscues) and learning how to hit, but some of the coaching changes I made put us over the top in today's game. First of all, we ran them really hard during practice this week, since they got tired last game. They had a lot more energy during the 2nd half of this game.

Secondly, moving our speedy powerback to tailback made a huge difference. He ran all over the other team, scoring two touchdowns, one of which was a 59 yard run. If he can get outside, he's almost unstoppable. We moved our tailback to powerback and he really liked it. After the game he said, "I like powerback, I get to hit a lot more." He's a great kid, incredible attitude. Rather than complaining that he only carried the ball once he was excited about getting to block more.

Thirdly, my play calling really improved. I was able to run one play to set up another play. I was so overwhelmed during our first game but I'm learning what to do as coach and it's becoming a lot easier to manage the game. We kept pitching the ball to our speedy tailback during the opening drive of the 3rd quarter, setting up the reverse. On 3rd and 8 from midfield, we ran a reverse to the wide receiver out of our usual sweep play. The whole defense was keying on the tailback that it took a second to notice he had handed off to the receiver. The receiver made a nice move to avoid two tackles and we got a HUGE first down. It was the first time all year I'd felt like my play calling made a difference. A couple plays later we ran a play where the tailback goes in motion, running by the quarterback and taking the hand off and then running to the left, outside the tackle. Our little tailback is so fast, he hit the outside and outran the defense for his 59 yard touchdown run. On the two point conversion, we ran the exact same play where the tailback goes in motion, but we had the quarterback fake the hand off and run to his right for a naked bootleg. It's a tricky play because it's really just an improv I made up, the line isn't blocking to the right so the QB is all alone. But the defense was expecting the tailback to take the hand off after going in motion that the QB ran right through two stunned defenders for the two point conversion. That made it 20-8 and we had the game.

Unlike last week, we got stronger as the game went on and the other team quit. But last week I thought we were even in talent, this week I think we were actually better than the other team. They scored on the first drive of the game with the use of a halfback pass, but once we got our guys to "stay home" we started shutting them down.

The biggest play of the game was when Ottawa had the ball on our 4 yard line with just 25 seconds left in the half. On 4th down, we stopped them to take over on downs but on the very first play, we fumbled and Ottawa recovered. Our QB and powerback told me the ball was wet. So right after our big goal line stand we give them the ball on our own 5 with 15 seconds left. But we stopped their run through the middle and the clock ran out. That series was the biggest of the game. They marched down field with the help of a reverse and a 4th down conversion where our guys thought they were punting. But when Ottawa ran out of trick plays and was forced to run up the middle, we stuffed them.

Very proud of our kids and loved seeing the excitement on their faces!

God knew I'd love coaching

Since we first moved to Gardner, I'd had the intention of getting involved in coaching at some level, but I'd never really knew where to start. But the desire to coach stayed with me and one of the ways I know something is from God is when it stays with me for a long time. Last spring at a Chamber event, the GEHS head football coach was speaking and I asked how I could get involved. He told me to contact Brian Essex at Wheatridge Middle School. I knew that would be easy because I'd played with Brian at MNU.

Brian wasn't sure if he'd be able to hire me, but just 1 day into practice, he got the approval. And now I know that God had been prompting me to coach because he knew how much I'd love it and how I'd be able to minister to so many kids. I'm almost feeling like this 7th grade football team is my 2nd congregation. I can't sleep tonight (it's 2:30) partly because I'm praying for these kids. At tonight's football game, I had to do some crisis intervention with a couple players.

The good kids are a joy to be around but the rougher kids are the ones I can tell really need a leader in their lives. One kid that has really be frustrating me because he forgets his position and misses games just had his 3rd unexcused practice, so we have to kick him off the team. But one of the other coaches just told me tonight that the kid has suicidal tendencies. Now I wish I could get more time with him, but it probably won't happen. But there is another kid who also frustrates me, but tonight at the tailgate party I could tell how much he looks up to me, so I need to be investing in him. Maybe I can meet him at school for lunch. He really needs a male role model to speak into his life. He was thanking me tonight for being such a good coach. I'm not that great of a coach, but he must be starving for some attention that he appreciates my coaching.

I told the JV team that if they found me at the tailgate party, I'd give them some hot dogs. This picture is some of the guys who took me up on the offer. God knew how much I'd love coaching and how I'd be able to invest in these kids, so he kept that desire in me until I acted on it.

Coaching Mistakes

We played our 2nd game of the year yesterday against Paolo. We had to play on the soccer practice field, the lines were fine but the surface was rough and uneven. But it's not like 7th grade JV is a precision offense or anything. In fact, in the 2nd half, Paolo kept running their QB behind the fullback over and over and we couldn't stop it. Real tricky!

We played a lot tougher than last week. We even stopped them on downs after they returned an interception to about the 20. I was so pumped at half-time, I was convinced we'd come out the 2nd half and take over the game. Unfortunately, Paola took over the game instead of us.

Coach Bartlett and I talked before the game about passing in the 2nd quarter when we had the strong wind behind us. I called a tailback pass that should've been a good fake play, but the QB forgot what play it was. On 3rd down, I called the pass that got intercepted. One coaching mistake there was we should've kept running the ball when we had the momentum. We've played two games and neither opponent has passed yet.

In the 3rd quarter, after Paola marched down the field to get the game's first TD, we then returned the kick past midfield and with one run by our powerback, we had the ball at the 20. I was so fired up after that run, the kids may have wondered if I'd freaked out! We then ran the exact same play, but our QB somehow forgot what he was supposed to do and we lost big yards. We went backwards again and ended up turning it over on downs.

My biggest mistake happened during that series, after the big run our starting center came off because he'd hurt his hand. I put in the backup but didn't think about what position the center played on defense. When we turned the ball over on downs, we went three plays on defense before realizing we were short a player, since I hadn't told our d-coordinator. Even with one less guy, we had them in 3rd and long before they realized we were missing a d-lineman and picked up big yards running right at that empty spot. If we'd gotten the ball back right there, we might have been able to score.

But after the 3rd down conversion, Paolo took all but 25 seconds of the 4th quarter to march down and score another TD. Our guys quit on the touchdown run, which means they'll be running a lot this week.

I couldn't get to sleep last night, thinking of how we could move some guys around and how I could rearrange our play-calling. I found myself wishing we taped the games so I could watch the film, but quickly realized how ludicrous that would be. Man, I love this game!

My Coaching Debut

4th down and 3. Just over 2 minutes left in the game. The ball sitting right at midfield. No question in my mind as to what we were going to do. We were going for it.
I called a time-out and got the team together. I challenged our entire offensive line. "We're running right up the middle. This is all up to you guys. Can you fire off the line and push them back for 3 yards?" They assured me they could do it. I called the play in the huddle, ran off the field and watched the play.

Our 3rd string QB who had literally only taken a few snaps during practice handed off to our 2nd string tailback. 4 yards later, we had the first down. It was our first first down of the game in our 32-0 opening season loss. We ended up picking up another first down or two after that first one. To have a drive at the end of the game where we actually moved the ball a bit gave our kids some confidence and excitement.

I had hoped Prairie View's JV would be as bad as ours. Well, they weren't a JV. They weren't really a varsity either, their school has only one squad. But the boys on that squad were big and they knew what they were doing. The ref had to help our offensive line stay on the line of scrimmage and no matter how many times Coach Bartlett explained it to them, we kept having 3 d-linemen on one side and only 1 on the other. Obviously, explaining something 100 times in practice just isn't enough.

But I loved it! I love the game of football; I can't get enough. After practice this afternoon, Erin and I headed out to CBAC to watch the Olathe South - Olathe East (Erin's an East grad) game. Tomorrow is my day off and I'll watch football all day, ending with the Iowa-Syracuse game at night. I'm loving the opportunity to invest in these kids. After leading Tuesday's practice without the other coaches, I grabbed 3 hotdogs and a gatorade and went up into the stands to watch the 8th grade varsity game. A bunch of JV kids saw me and yelled out "coach, coach!" As I sat and talked with them about school, music and football, I was very thankful for the opportunity to connect with these kids.

I gave the kids a rousing pregame speech in the end zone right before we took the field. We grabbed hands, ran from the end zone to the sidelines while the crowd was cheering and (I kid you not) I had to fight back tears. I loved it!

A lot of the game was chaos. I wasn't really prepared for managing all the aspects of the game. It was about all I could do to make sure the receiver got the play into the huddle and we always had 11 guys on the field. Special teams really made me nervous. I didn't know I'd be managing the game until about a week ago, but even so I still probably wouldn't have been ready for all the little things I had to watch over. But Coach Bartlett (who said it took him about a year to get used to managing a game) kept me in line and the refs helped remind me of some stuff, too. There really is a lot of babysitting at this level. While on the sidelines I'd be trying to figure out which receiver was going in with the next play (all 3 of them looked so similar with their game jerseys and helmets covering their tiny little heads), helping a kid with his pads, explaining to a kid who had missed practices why he wasn't in the game yet, while hoping our 3rd string QB could get the snap from center. There was a lot of chaos, but it was great!!!

Just a few minutes into the first quarter, our starting QB came out of the game crying. I turned to our second string QB who is also our starting tight end and he said his back hurt too badly to keep going. Both QB's got drilled in practice two days earlier while scrimaging 8th grade JV. So, I turned to our back-up tight end who (on a whim) I'd told to study the QB plays, too. That also meant we were out of tight ends. So a kid nicknamed Pedro (looks like "vote for Pedro") who has a great attitude and work ethic volunteered to go in at tight end and I was just hoping he'd remember which side to line up on.

We fumbled some snaps, pitched the ball over the tailbacks head and some other crazy stuff. But as the game went on and the kids started to figure out how to fire out of their stance and how good it felt to run hard and to hit (and as the other coach called off the dogs) we started to gain a little momentum. We can only get better; I hope!

I looked at the schedule and all the rest of the games are against actual JV squads, so I hope those other JV's are as bad as us. Have I said that yet?

Pre-game jitters

I've got them, haven't had this feeling since I was playing. We've got our first game this afternoon at 4:00 and I'm nervous. My hope is that Prairie View's (whoever they are) JV is as bad as ours.
I'm nervous our backs can't take handoffs and that the receivers will forget the plays from the time I tell them on the sideline and by the time they get to the huddle. I'm really nervous that our 0-line doesn't understand how physical they need to be and that their lack of blocking will get our QB's killed! A lot of these guys on JV don't have much of a clue what they're doing; which makes them like their coach! Although some guys are enthusiastic and ready to hit, so I hope they put in a good effort.
I also hope Prairie View's JV is as bad as ours! Have I said that yet? I'm not worried about winning or losing, although winning wouldl be nice. But I want the kids to have a good time and I'm worried that if they get destroyed, it will crush their little fighting spirits! I hope Prairie View's JV is bad so we can have a good (competitive) game.