In what could be considered a follow-up to this post, I'm going to share some thougths I wrote in my journal the other day. I'm just copying right out of the notebook that serves as my prayer journal.
"Our house has turned into The Money Pit. New Garbage Disposal - $160, new washing machine - $225, new hot water heater - $870, new doorknob - $8 (not too bad, that one), vacuum cleaner (though covered by warranty) and added to that list, some car repairs equaling about $500. Last night, our dishwasher started leaking water and it poured through the floor and through two ceiling tiles in the basement. (I've since found out we'll need to replace that, too).
As I was draining the water into the bucket, I wondered (contrary to my usual rationalistic approach) whether our house was under demonic attack. Or following a more normal pattern of my thought, whether God was "breaking" me - since I spend so much time obsessing over money. Or maybe God is retraining me. Because he's providing - again. A friend gave us $250, stating "I sensed God telling me to do it and I'm just being obedient," Erin was paid $150 for doing the costuming for GCT's Christmas show, we sold our old Christmas tree for $100, my parents just said they're sending us money for Christmas and I'm getting extra hours at work (with it being "peak"). And Bill Melvold is helping us with repairs - since I'm worthless as a handyman.
In The God Journey podcasts, they were talking about trusting God. We can't just decide to "let go" and "let God." Rather, we're able to trust God when we accept how much he loves us. If there is love between a parent and a child, the child will naturally trust the parent. It's the same with God.
But contrary to what most people define as "trusting in God", we don't trust to get what we want. "I'll trust God and he'll replenish my savings account". That's not trust - but manipulation. Rather, trust in God is the ability to be solid in your relationship with God even if all life goes the opposite way it "should." Like me learning Jesus is enough, even if I"m not "successful" in ministry. Having to decide to choose to love God even if he never would've made us parents. Trust is saying "God is enough, even if my savings account hits the red - or if any other fearful scenario comes to pass." To quote Wayne and Brad, "trust is not in a result but in a person." "
I realize this post seems like two ideas mashed together, or almost two contradictory ideas in one blog post but I heard that podcast while driving home from work, before seeing how so many of those financial hits were replenished through the generosity of others. This time, trust did result in what I deem to be a positive outcome. But what about the future? What about when things do turn bad and don't recover? Will I still trust? Will I trust in the person of God rather than the result I want God to bring about?