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| The Olathe North Eagle |
[Picks up pencil, prepares paper, clears throat] “This post has been a long time coming. So long, in fact, I’m not exactly sure which past even should serve as the starting point.”
Maybe I start in the fall of 2018, when, as a French II teacher at Olathe North High School, I reassumed the role of classroom teacher for the first time since I fled George Melcher elementary 8 years prior, with my tail between my legs, my head down and in the midst of the first and only nervous breakdown of my life. As that fall semester and that long-term substitute position both came to an end, my supervising principal gave the direct advice to “finish your teaching certification as quickly as possible because a high school classroom is where you’re meant to be, you clearly have the teaching and relational skill set to thrive in that setting.”
Maybe I start in May of 2018, on a drive up north to visit my parents for the weekend, when my then girlfriend advised, “you’ve been talking about wanting to finish this French degree since we met. I think you need to go ahead and finish it because, if you don’t, you’ll likely regret it the rest of your life.” Insightful woman, that wife of mine.
Maybe I start in the fall of 2017, when a friend of mine who is two years older than me started his Masters of Education program at Rockhurst University. He started the program at 40 and by age 42 had secured a teaching position. Two years later, I enrolled in evening classes in the same program, knowing that I was young enough to still put in a solid career as a teacher but old enough that my window for doing so was rapidly closing.
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| Tailgating before a Blazer football game fall of 2006 |
Maybe I start in the fall of 2010, when I’m living across the street from Gardner-Edgerton High School, taking French classes in the evening, pushing my son in a stroller across the GEHS parking lot during afternoon walks, tailgating before Friday night Blazer football games and
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| 2007 season |
Maybe I start in the fall of 2008, when I took my first French class with Lorie Beckum at MNU. At the time, I just wanted a new hobby and learning a new language seemed as good of a hobby as anything, especially after experiencing the disappointment of not getting to coach again that fall. I do however, remember telling a person in our church who asked why I’d take the time to learn a new language, “I’m not quite sure why but it seems like the right thing to do.”
Maybe I start in the fall of 2007, when I had the incredible opportunity to coach the Wheatridge Middle School 7th grade JV football team. Watching those kids progress from barely being able to line up correctly to winning their last few games was an experience to which I’ve kept hoping to be able to return, though many times over the past decade it hasn’t seemed very likely.
Maybe I start over 20 years ago, when I’m a college student at MidAmerica Nazarene University, taking classes to prepare me to be a pastor while telling anyone who’d listen, “if I wasn’t going to be a pastor, I’d be a high school history teacher and football coach.”
All of the above options are great possibilities. They have all been steps in the journey leading me to a brand-new (while surprisingly familiar) starting point. After giving it some thought though, I think I’ll start my story just a few weeks in the past. It was the Tuesday before Spring Break. Just a regular day in my semester long-assignment as a Student Teacher in a French classroom at Olathe East High School. Little did I, or anyone else, realize that would actually be the last Tuesday of the school year as, just one week later, the Governor of Kansas would issue a decree closing all Kansas schools for the remainder of the year.
In the midst of that school day, I interviewed at a nearby middle school for a Social Studies position. It was a great opportunity. I’d be working with some friends, for one of the best administrators in the district, with the opportunity to coach football again, as well as the stated hope that I’d also consider coaching track and helping sponsor the theatre department. I came away from that interview excited about the possibility of teaching in that school.
After school was out that day, I had another interview. This interview was at Gardner-Edgerton High School for a French position. As I was driving from Olathe to Gardner, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “this was my dream job. Yeah, it was about nine years ago but there was a time in my life in which I believed the chance to teach French at GEHS a possibility too good to even hope for.” I found out during the interview that while coaching would be a possibility with this position, it wasn’t an expectation, which would certainly render my first year of teaching much more manageable.
Later that night, per the advice given during one of the interviews, Sarah and I discussed which option would be the best one to take should I be offered both positions. Actually, a better description of what happened would be to state that I talked out all the positives and negative while Sarah listened, giving advice or providing affirmations when she deemed it prudent. It was really a matter of choosing between two great options. It was a matter of finding out where my “true self” (to quote the book I’ll reference below) was leading.
On one side stood my love of history, desire to coach football again, the chance to teach in the district where my son attends school and idealism regarding the chance to help middle schoolers successfully navigate that identity-forming period of their lives. Not only is history such a natural subject for me that, despite not having taken upper-level history classes in college, I was able to ace the National Praxis Content exam, middle school social studies was the bait which Teach For America used to hook me into their program before switching my placement to elementary school when it was already too late for me to back out.
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| Proud to be a Blazer... again |
By the time I talked myself into making the following announcement, the lovely and intelligent ginger with whom I have the amazing privilege of sharing my life simply gave a knowing smile. “I could always choose to teach history in the future, should I later decide that’s what I want to do. This might, however be my one opportunity to teach High School French. I’m fairly certain that if I pass up this opportunity, I’m likely to regret it for the rest of my teaching career (due to a limited number of teaching positions, “losing” my French, etc.)”. The fact that Sarah’s knowing smile seemed to radiate less from her lips and more from her eyes revealed she’d been patiently waiting for me to come to the conclusion which she’d reached long before me. Looking back, I realize she’d been discreetly clearing the way for my head to agree with what my heart had long ago decided. I couldn’t NOT teach French.
Two nights later, at the Lenexa Rec Center (a place I greatly miss during the Coronavirus lockdown) I was watching a French TV show on the history of Paris while striding in place on the elliptical when I was struck by a profound gratitude over the upcoming opportunity to teach French language and history. While thinking of how I could possibly use this video for an upper level French class I was simultaneously relishing the assurance that I’d made the right decision. In just a few months, I’ll be back in yet another French classroom. This time however, I’ll be facing in the opposite direction.
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| KU, fall of 2019 |
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| A cold January 2019 day on the campus of the University of Kansas. I took this pic thinking I'd be writing the "Back to School" blog post soon. |
“That is why I’ve called [the second half of life and this book] ‘falling upward.’ Those who are ready will see that this message is self-evident: those who have gone ‘down’ are the only ones who understand ‘up.’ Those who have somehow fallen and fallen well are the only ones who can go up and not misuse ‘up.’”
“Sooner or later, if you are on any classic ‘spiritual schedule,’ some event, person, death, idea or relationship will enter your life that you simply cannot deal with, using your present skill set, your acquired knowledge, or your strong willpower. Spiritually speaking, you will be, you must be, lead to the edge of your own private resources… and you must ‘lose’ at something… let go of your egocentric preoccupations, and go on the further and larger journey.
In the end, we do not so much reclaim what we have lost as discover a significantly new self in and through the process. Until we are lead to the limits of our present game plan, and find it to be insufficient, we will not search out or find the real source, the deep well, or the constantly flowing stream.”
As I enter the second half of life, I’m awe-struck by the positive turn my life has taken. My marriage is far surpassing my wildest hopes for a primary relationship My relationship with my son is the best it’s ever been and is getting better. My relationship with my two step-children has developed into a place of comfort and familiarity. I’ve made a peace with my past which now serves as a foundation for the future. Finally, in a few short months I’ll be starting my “dream job.” I’m giddy with anticipation over the second half of life. Of course, that’s assuming COVID19 doesn’t erase humanity from the face of the earth…
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